A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I started a relationship in a horrible way. Although I am now separated, I was married and he was in a relationship with a 19 year old (he is 40). He has feelings for her, but knows it would never go anywhere. So after realizing he would lose me if he stayed with her, he broke it off. However, he still has feelings for her (8 month telationship) and I still have feelings for husband (9 year marriage). But we agree that the feelings for each other supercede any other feelings. Its a messed up situation. We agreed to try not to see the other people and TRY to work on becoming exclusive. I am ending a marriage, divorce is in process. He is pulling away from her. The problem is that they still talk everyday. He doesn't see her, but talks and texts all day. I am trying to figure it out. How can I be mad or jealous when I still talk and text with my sooon to be ex? Is it possible that one day he really will leave her behind? Or is the fact that he hasn't completely let go tell me that he doesn't want me and mr alone? Thisd is destructive but I love him and want to be with him eventually when all is said and done.Is it possible that we really want to be together its just bad timing? I try to understand that he can't just stop feeling for her all of a suddenam I adk him to slowly pull away and I will do the same. Is that unrealistic? Do relationships ever survive something like this? Help!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 April 2011):
 Its going to take a long time and commitment in order for your relationship with this man to work. Sometimes love is just not enough to keep a relationship going. You both still have feelings for other people and unfinished business. Going through a divorcee itself is a stressfull enough time without being in a relationship so soon afterwards. I think you both should give each other some space in order to get your minds straight and focused on what you both want out of life. Maybe you should both stay apart for a month or even a couple of weeks to think things over.
It would be to harsh to ask the both of you to cut out your ex partner/husband. But I think these two issues will be a big problem for the both of you. After your break sit down with each other and see what the boundries are and ask each other what you both want. goodluck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2011): Hey there. I would say you are incorrectly painting the same agenda on this man that you have and I doubt he is feeling the same feelings or has the same motives.
The one thing messed up about it is your failure to see he is probably not the monogomous sort and is not going to let go of this young girl he desires. He will continue to have his cake and eat it too and that's not exactly what your overall goal is so the two of you are not on the same page.
You agreed to TRY and not see other people? Ha! Are you still sleeping with your soon to be ex husband? I wouldn't think so. I'll bet he's the one who slipped the word TRY in there because he has no intention of giving this other girl up who he is still having sex with. Hon, he's not committed and you won't wrangle monogomy out of him now or ever.
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