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He never told me he had girlfriend! How do I act when I see him at work next?

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 October 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 5 October 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I am feeling like a prized idiot and I need some helpful advice.

This is quite long, sorry.

Everyone knows you should never get involved with someone at work but my head was tunred by this guy I work with, he is the first guy ever that I have liked, I like everything about him.

I don't have many friends at work, infact probably only one, everyone else seems to dislike me because I am shy and quiet and this guy always cheered me up and made me feel good about myself. I just thought he was being nice I never thought he fancied me until one day we were working late and he kissed me, I was thrilled, although not overly happy that it was at work, when I suggested we went out, he didn't reply and nothing happened.

I had my doubts that this guy could have a girlfriend but because I liked him, I never had the guts to ask him if he did or not - big mistake I know. Anyway, a month later me were on seperate nights out and we bumped into each other and ended up kissing again, and I wasn't drunk so I can't use that as any excuse. He has text me and said we should do it again.

I must say now that he is leaving the company at the end of the month and he is using up his leave, I knew he was leaving because he told me and said he would keep in touch. What I didn't know that he was on holiday now. I overheard some other guys he works with saying that he was away for 2 weeks with his GIRLFRIEND, I know this is silly but I am gutted because I really really like him and we talk all the time and he is always going on how he hates 2 faced people and how he always tells it how it is and that's why we have always got on so well.

When he comes back I am not sure how to act around him beacuse how sad I am I actually want him to keep in touch when he leaves.

Part of me wants to confront him but then that would show I'm bothered another part wants to see what he says when he comes back, I mean would he tell me he went away with his girlfriend or lies and say he went on a lads holiday.

What should I do?

I know you probably think I should have more pride and self respect for myself but like I said for some reason I am really into this guy. HELP.

Thanks for reading

View related questions: at work, drunk, I work with, kissing, on holiday, shy, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009):

well, reading your story is like reading my own. Except, I'm the girlfriend.

He cheated on me with a co-worker, same age group as you. I am 33. She knew I exsisted, yet kept it going. They actually slept together though.

I found out, and stayed to fight for my relationship. Well, it happened again. He cheated with the same girl a year later.

I'm a week into knowing about it and can tell you that it is the most painful thing I have ever been through. It's awful and you need to end this before it goes to far.. out of simple respect for the girlfriend. Truth always comes to the surface at one point or another... she will learn that he is a slime. But don;t be the girl that assists in crushing her.

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A female reader, boo22 United Kingdom +, writes (3 October 2009):

boo22 agony auntHiya, hope you're ok. Of course you're upset, it's not silly. You really liked this guy, and you've found out you've been played.

Please take comfort from the fact that although you really liked this guy, you only liked the idea of him that you projected onto him, cos lets face it hun...you didn't really know him and you can't really think this guy is a big prize cos he's a cheating rat!!

Look what he's doing to his poor girlfriend. My guess is you'll never hear from him again when he leaves work. I know you don't want to hear this but sadly i feel this is what'll happen.

Better luck next time x

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (2 October 2009):

You've been taken for a ride. I'm really sorry. Not all guys are this bad. Don't feel stupid, because you didn't lie, you didnt cheat and you went about this the right way. This guy isn't worth one more moment of your time. When he gets back, tell him you know he went on holiday with his girlfriend and tell him it's over. When he leaves the company, cease all contact with him. You can't trust him at all. There are far better guys out there. Find a good guy instead. You deserver more than this.

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