A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Once upon a time a man and woman meet, man and woman became good friends. The man is married to his first love they have three children, but the man starts to fall in love with his friend, and vice versa, though for a while nither says it and they just go on, never admitting it to one another, and then one day the man and woman cross that line, man tells wife and they separate, as at the time man believe he wants to be with the other woman. The man had previously before his friend had an emotional affai over the internet and he and his wife fought alot, they had no problem lying to one another and occassionally things got physical.However, man and his wife talk and agree to try and fix there marraige. However things escalate and the police are called, man is arrested and cannot see wife or children. End of first reconcilation attempt. Second reconcilation attempt comes after court hearing where wife gets him off, so he does not go to jail, this begins the second reconciliation attempt.Man however, is still saying he is confused not to wife, but his friend and does not know what he wants, he spents alot of time with wife, but is still undecided. man and wife fight again, man is once gain arrested and not allowed to see wife or kids, as the court forbids it regardless of there wishes, this was quite a serious offence his children's lives were put at risk.Now the friend of this man and his family have had to deal with three periods of grief in three forms of breakups and have run out of things to say etc, support has lesson for him as he refused to listen to his family, and has lied to everyone. So alot of people had withdrew there support, like his work mates and other members of his family. Because they saw it coming, except he did not listen, still does not listen and its becoming really frustrating!He cant see his kids he really down, plus he feeling the effects of another break, he is seeing an anger management specialist and a therapist, but how can his family and friend help him now, when he does not seem to learn from the past and that sometimes just because you love someone does not mean you should live with them.The woman he had the affair with is his only friend, other than that as support he has his parents and siblings, though his siblings are not his friends, and he has his therapist. What do you guys recommend and what is your opinion of the situation. how to help, should she help etc.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 November 2011):
 I don't think that she can help even if she wants to. At the end of the day what he done sounds very serious and therefore he should be punished. It is good that he is going to seek help about his issues but if he hurt his wife and put his children at risk well then he does not deserve to see them. He needs to help himself now nobody else can do it, not his only friend or his family he needs to be able to do this on his own, I really don't know why this woman would want to stand by a man like this anyway after everything he has done and deep down she must know that he will always go running back to his wife if he gets the chance and she will always be left hurting and wanting more.
A
female
reader, Candid Cally  +, writes (16 November 2011):
She should try to stay out of it especially if the man is 5-10+ years older. She will end up hurt if she tries to help. His wife still has a hold on him. You can see that by looking at how angry and irrational she makes him.
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