A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:please helpmy boyfriend and i have been together for 9 months now been staying together for the past 3 months, in the past month or so he has stopped sleeping in the bed with me and will only sleep on the couch. there has been a few times where he has been in the bed watching tv and then one occasion he fell asleep in bed i went into the bedroom and he got up and went to sleep on the couch, last night i fell asleep on the couch and he came and got me to get into bed, he asked me if i felt like sex i said no because as soon as we do have sex he will go and sleep on the couch, this just makes me feel upset and basically as though all he wants from me is sex.i then woke up this morning again to find him asleep on the couch. when we had my bed in the house he kept complaining that he would sleep on the couch basically because of the quality of my mattress that it wasn't comfortable enough, and now we have his bed and mattress over here his quality of mattress is much better and is extremely more comfortable, he would have no problem sleeping in his bed at his parents place when we would stay there up until just recently he went and slept on the couch there too.I really don't know what to think please help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 November 2011):
 Ask him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2011): My niece is married and she still can't have anyone sleep in her room with her, even her kids. She was abused as a child, her husband and her have separate rooms. Some people just can't handle sharing a room with anyone else. Just talk to him openly and honestly about how it makes you feel and ask him why he prefers to sleep on the couch. Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (17 November 2011):
 very strange maybe he doesn't like being told what to do i sleep in my car a lot at home and when i visit people. They may find it insulting or something but for me i sleep so good in my car im like well why get up go in the house get get changed get in a bed after i do all that i wont even be tired. sleeping is sleeping to me where ever i get the best sleep at is where i sleep i can get great sleep in random places. If a have chick in my bed im definitely getting in bed i always sleep good when there's a woman in my bed i dont no why unless she snores. but then on the other hand if the chick tells me she doesn't want to have sex and im just supposed to sit in bed looking at her in lingerie well then screw it ill just go sit on the couch watch animal planet and probably rub one out. But something seems wrong with your dude its certainly not the norm what hes doing you need to get to the bottom of it denying him sex will eventualy just make it worst.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2011): Some people don't like sharing a bed/room. I'm one of those people, I absolutely can't stand it. But obviously that's a problem in a relationship, so you need to ask him if there is something you can do to make it so that he can have a comfortable nights sleep in the same bed as you.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (17 November 2011):
 Do you snore loudly, talk in your sleep, kick or thrash around in bed, sleepwalk, grind your teeth, drool on his pillow, hog the covers, etc..?
My point is you must be doing something during your slumber that keeps him awake at night. Thus leading him to make the living room his new bedroom.
If that's the case then you're going to have to see a sleep specialist (not sure of the correct medical term) to help rectify the situation.
That's just my guess, but ultimately you're going to have to ask your boyfriend why he doesn't sleep with you.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree  +, writes (17 November 2011):
 That's weird, you need to be asking him why he sleeps on the couch!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 November 2011):
 Erm you really need to be asking him why he is doing this and not asking anyone on here. Off course we are hear to support you but at the end of the day the answer lies with him so you need to talk to him about it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2011): Does he have a disorder? Does he associate negative feelings/memories with his bed or any bed in general?
Have you thought to go sleep on the couch with him?
Does he have fear of too much intimacy?
Either way, I think counseling will help because it is definitely odd/outside a norm behaviour and should be investigated.
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (16 November 2011):
Do you snore?
Do you talk, make noise or thrash around in your sleep?
Could you be overly flatulent once asleep? (I've slept on the couch before to escape the smells that emanate from my fiancé after he's eaten certain foods :-/ )
Do you steal all the blankets, pillows, or take up more room on the bed than he may see as fair?
Do you both fit on the mattress comfortably? (are you sure he is comfortable?)
Do either of you weigh quite a bit more than the other?
Does he have a past injury to his torso (back, neck, spine, shoulders etc.) that could be causing him pain if he doesn't sleep in a specific position?
Could the couch be moved into the same room, or could you maybe have seperate beds in the same room?
Honestly, there are so many things that could be the issue here. You need to ask him and he needs to be honest and you must promise not to overreact if he tells you it is because of something you do while you sleep. That's the only way I see you working this out.
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