A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi..I've been in a relationship with an amazing guy for 7 months now. We moved in together one month ago. He is perfect on every level - considerate, fun, witty, very sociable etc etc... However, I feel he doesn't fancy me because he never instigates sex. Just to describe myself (i hope this doesn't come across too arrogant but these are the facts), I am tall slim and attractive - i often get stared at in the street by passers by and i've always been asked out on a lot of dates when single. Also, in previous relationships, I've always felt very desired by my boyfriends and i've never had to instigate sex.I feel absolutely devastated that everything in our relationship is perfect apart from this. It is beginning to make me feel very undesirable and unattractive and resentful.I've just had a long chat with him about this and he said that he absolutely adores me in every way, including sexually. However, he says he feels he lacks confidence with me and is worried that if he tries having sex with me and then loses his erection, he'll then feel embarassed and inadequate (as this has happened before). He also said he feels he doesn't satisfy me during sex as i've never had an orgasm during sex. I explained to him (and i've explained this to him before)that i don't have to have an orgasm during sex to really enjoy it. I explained that i only have orgasms during oral sex anyway and that sex for me is incredible becasue of the intimacy etc... He said he understands and will try and make me feel desired and start initiating it...However, i'm really not sure he's just making up excuses becasue he really loves me and is hoping that he'll grow to fancy me...However, my question is, has anybody else ever experienced this before? Is this normal? Could he be gay? Do you think we could be able to sort this out and have a loving, sexual relationship, or could this end up destroying all my confidence altogether? (which is starting to happen now anyway).Thanks for your help in advance....
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confidence, erection, moved in, oral sex, orgasm Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi..Thanks for your response...On reading what i had written, i too, would suspect he was small in size but the fact is, he is the opposite!! and i always point that out to him....I will take your advice on board - thank you :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Peoriaman...Thanks for your response and giving me a an insight into the mind of a 'sensitive' man...because, yes, you're right, my boyfriend is sensitive like yourself..I guess i don't know for sure about his past hurts as he hasn't told me much about his exes...thanks again for your response and i really hope things will work out well for you too x
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007): I wouldnt say he was gay. I would presume that he is just looking out for you. I dont think he thinks he is good enough for you. He may get plain embarrassed during sex. you never know.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (11 October 2007):
 I don't think he's gay, I think he just has a few hang ups about his ability to perform and please a woman in bed. I suspect he is on the smaller side, which may also be making him feel self-conscious. He may be inexperienced too. Most women do not have orgasms through intercourse, unless they are on top and really know how to work it. As long as he is able to bring you to climax with oral sex, then he should stop worrying about it and just relax and enjoy himself. Don't take ownership to his hang ups and allow it to affect how you see yourself. He may also feel a little inferior to you in general because you are beautiful and confident by nature. Just be patient with him. Continue to make him feel loved and treasured as a person, for his mind, his muscles, his abilities and try to make all your focus about sex. But be sure you tell him he's great in bed too. Eventually he may start feeling more sure of himself. Good luck.
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