A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:what is the best way to deal with the following problem: I have been dating a man for a long time and for the past year his kids never include me in any family functions or eating out. they just don't like me because i am with their father and therefore he cannot be with them as much as he used to be. this sunday, which is fathers day, again they are all going out to eat and of course i am not invited. i understand that this is a special day however my family has already invited him to go with us for lunch on sunday . my family always invites and includes him. he is very codependent and his family is very disfunctional. my family is functional. what do you think i should do about this? Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, laura585 +, writes (18 June 2009):
I would say the only thing you can do is wait and be understanding. I'm sure the kids have resentment for whatever reason, but don't take it personally. They are angry with the situation not with you. Really just be patient, talk with your boyfriend about it and see if he has any ideas but just don't try to push your way in. They will accept you when they finally start to realize that you are not the enemy.
A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (18 June 2009):
 Don't force your way in their lives, be on your best behavior with them with hope that they will accept you in the long run.
Respect needs to be earned. Maybe they're afraid to love you because they don't believe that you'll be with their dad for long, they don't want to get hurt again.
Talk to your boyfriend about it, ask him to do an activity with everybody to try to connect with the kids. Don't try to force yourself into what they have planned. If you truly want to feel accepted by this family, you'll have to wait till they include you in it.
Don't buy your way into the kids hearts. They're young but not stupid.
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