A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend now for about 1.5 years, and things were very rocky in the beginning. He is always texting on his phone. He becomes very annoyed if I always ask him who is talking to. It started off when I learned he was getting nude photos off some girl he was chatting with, he promised he wouldn't do it again, and had stopped texting as much and was wanting to prove he was faithful. Things were getting a lot better, but then he wanted to start texting again and talking to his friends. He says that I am trying to control who is friends are but the thing is, is that all of his friends are girls. He only texts girls and it makes me very nervous. He says they are all just his friends and he wants to talk to them. but I always feel like it's something more. From the time that I pick him up from work till the time he goes to bed that phone is always in his hands, he says we spend too much time together and that he just likes talking. Well what I don't understand is why does it have to be all night, every night, and talking to the same girls every night. Is it so wrong that I just dont like the texting?? I feel like I'm losing control over myself. I become paranoid and I constantly am watching him and wanting to know who it is and what they are talking about. He will then get made because he thinks I am being way to nosey. but i cant help it. Should it even be this way? How much should a person even text? Should I just be alright with it? Stuck between a rock and a hard place.....
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI totally get where you are both coming from. I have tried to trust him and allow this behaviour. But everyone in my family tells me he is out of order. When we go out with friends he sneaks off to the bathroom to text, he denies it but i know thats what he is doing.And as for mimicking it, thats a bit tough, because most of my guy friends that i talked to before him feel as if I left them behind. I slowly stopped talking to them as much so I would not hurt my boyfriend. but I just dont understand why he needs to text women all the time. I have tried talking to him about it so many different times, in so many different ways but no matter how i bring it up it still ends with him being allowed to do it whenever he wants. His exact words are "I pay the bill I should be able to use it however, and whenever I want". I dont want it to end, but I feel like its getting really close to that. I just cant handle being second all the time, He has me convinced sometimes that I am worrying for nothing and that what I am asking of him is not normal for any relationship. But I know I cant be the only person who is unhappy about it....
A
female
reader, michele21  +, writes (16 November 2008):
 Well have you had trust issues with him before?? if so you have a bit of a right he is your man and what can he possiable talk to these girls about all evening long...im a lesbian and my girlfriend is the same way we been togther 3yrs but we have trust issues so i understand where she is coming from but at the same time i only txt my friends about 5 or 6 times and tell them i am with my gurl i don't disrespect her when im with her...seems to me sweety he doing something dirty because when they get defensive they doing wrong now if he was open and just told you what they said if there just "friends" he wouldn't say things that your nosey if he loved you and wanted to be with you....think about it.....i would find someone that loves you and wants to spend there time with you he can always make time for his friends later you know there not goin anywhere but he doesn't realize you will leave if hes not careful....but you have every right to do what your doing i do the same thing but you need to figure out what you really want and is it worth the constant thinking and what if's all the time....good luck hope i helped a little
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (16 November 2008):
I think you can give this guy one last chance.
Tell him you will see him less if that's what he wants but when he sees you then you want him to ignore his phone.
That way he has all the time in the world to text and you get quality time with him too.
If he doesn't stop texting these girls when he has agreed to then you have to wonder if they are more of a priority than you.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (16 November 2008):
 I so understand where you are coming from as my ex husband never put his phone down. He would take it to the loo, into the shower, sleep with it under his pillow, everywhere. He was constantly texting other women and used to put it on vibrate so as not to alert my suspicions. The crunch came for me when my son went up behind him and saw he was texting his girlfriend over and over and my ex said 'don't tell Mummy'. Any man who has his phone constantly glued to him is up to no good either looking at stupid pictures or normally texting other women. I told my ex husband how much it upset and hurt me but he didn't care.I used to think it was like I was interesting enough as even if we were talking and the phone rang he would cut me off mid sentance and answer it - so rude. You need to tell your boyfriend that this has to stop because it is making you feel he is up to something. Don't come across in a desperate or sad, needy way just be firm and polite and explain you don't like it or see the necessity of it being with him and turned on all the time. If he is happy in your relationship and cares for you then this has to stop. If this is like water of a ducks back I suggest you get your mobile and start mimicking him. I can assure you he will not like this being done to him. It makes you feel very unsettled and very unsure of yourself because you are dealing with the unknown. From my experience men who are inseparable from their phones always have something to hide.
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