A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Basically I met a guy online about 6 months ago, we seemed to hit it off, met up a couple of times (just chatted but he seemed keen) and every week almost he texts to say we should go out to a movie or for a drink the following week. But then when the next week comes he always has an excuse - too tired, busy at work, not well etc. He's been doing this since before Christmas.At first I guess I made excuses for him, he works full time, has family commitments with his mum and brother etc but I have my own commitments too (a young child).Anyway I've got fed up with everyone I meet saying oh you're a lovely looking girl can't believe you're still on your own. Or you're so much fun why are you single. But I feel I've been holding out for this guy but if I'm honest then I suppose he must be stringing me along and not shy like I'm been telling myself.So I took the plunge tonight and have deleted all his texts saying we should go out or making me laugh. I can't undo the valentines card i already posted though. But now I'm trying so hard to stop myself writing him a note basically telling him not to lead the next girl on thats interested. I don't know if he's scared of getting hurt (hes 39, divorced for 5 years his ex cheated, as did my ex-fiance 4 years ago), or just chicken. But why keep sending the texts saying we should do something or replying yeah sure i'm up for going out sometime (yeah out sometime but obviously not with me!).So I feel kinda stupid cause I've wasted the last 6 months having a crush on someone but i can't change that. So should i write to him?
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at work, christmas, crush, divorce, his ex, my ex, shy, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): Write to him if you want. But be sure its not because you are hoping he'll try to change your mind. He probably will. But actions speak truth. When a man is interested in a girl-he pursues her. He tries to get her to go out with him. He does not try to avoid going out with her.
A
female
reader, Honor +, writes (14 February 2008):
It sounds all very suspicious to me - he should not lead you on and then leave you outside like that. Perhaps he has other things going on in his life? Perhaps he hasnt been totally truthful? Perhaps he is married? Perhaps he has a girlfrield? Perhaps many things....but that is irrelevant, what IS relevant is that you do not deserve to be treated like this.
I would say stop all contact with him. As much as you are DYING to try to email him or get some sort of response - here is the deal: you will never ever get a response that will totally satisfy why he was like this. Trust me on this - I know alot alot of girlfriends who pour out their hearts in emails, letters, texts etc...and only serves to make them feel worst when they either do not get a reply or not get the kind of reply they want or need.
I say keep you self respect and dignity - walk away with your head high. Do NOT contact him....if he does contact you again which no doubt he will, I say completely ignore him. If you reply it may just give him the opportunity to wiggle his way back in with some excuse and no doubt it may happen all over again! OR as the other person said if you DO wanna reply just say NO I have decided to move on. Please don't contact me further.
And 6mths isnt such a long time when you think about it...there are people who spend years with relationships that fail. So just get back online perhaps and chat to new people and have fun with it all!
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (14 February 2008):
 Hi,
you did right by deleting his texts. Basically the way I see it, he hasnt healed from his past relationship and is unable to fully commit himself to a new partner.
From a male perspective, us guys know you girls like reliable men, so it always amazes me when I see guy behaving like this, what do they expect you to do?
You have no option but to delete him out of your life, don't worry about the valentines day card - what's done is done. But if he contacts you, simply tell him that you need to find someone who is reliable and he is not that guy. He can't argue against that can he?
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A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (14 February 2008):
 I think it's best to ignore him. Avoid any contact. If he contacts you asking to get together you could respond. "no, I have decided to move on. Please don't contact me further."
He's obviously got some issues but the fact that he's strung you along for 6 months is kind of rude. You don't need that kind of relationship. Find someone who can be "all in".
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