A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So I've been with my partner 2 years. He wanted to try anal since we got together but until a few months ago I said no. Well a few months ago I let him try and I hated it. Add to this I was in pain for 3 days. I thought to let him try twice more and still each time I have hated it. I have said no way will it ever happen again. Despite this he still he tries to get it. When he wants that it's the only time he will offer me an oil massage (I've got to the point now where I will never accept massages from him as he tries for anal sex after) He knows it hurts me but he's tried for if every time he wants sex then when I say no he says I'm boring he says all porn film have it and tbf woman enjoy it (I've told him porn isn't real but he refused to believe me) He won't tell me why he wants it so bad bit I feel like normal sex just isn't good enough for him anymore. Surely if he cared about me he would just drop it as its painful? Why do men like it so much? How can I make him stop trying to get it from me (no isn't in his vocabulary)
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male
reader, xzibit33  +, writes (28 December 2012):
 I totally agree with everyone here. Let that man knows you are not his to use. And as YouWish rightly wrote, ask him how he'd feel if it happened to him
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2012): Not all men like or want anal. Your man is selfish and his idea of sex is all twisted by watching too much hard core porn. You are doing the right thing refusing his demands cause doing it too frequently could cause immense damage to your health. Don't give in!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (27 December 2012):
 SVC: You did a good job putting the "question" (and, more importantly, the ANSWER!!!) in perspective..... and you didn't mince any words....
Case closed.....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 December 2012):
 I agree with Cerberus.
IF you don't like it, it's a no brainer...
you say to him "look you have two options here, option one is to help me pack and leave since you are bugging me about anal sex which is NEVER going to happen or option to is to NEVER bring it up again and I'll stay"
would you nag him to do something he didn't want to do? why should you be nagged about it.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (27 December 2012):
I think alarm bells really should be ringing very loudly here. Here is a man who has been told by his partner that she does not like a particular act. Not only isn’t she keen despite having tried it for him several times, but it causes her pain. Yet this man, despite knowing this, continues to pester for it because either he cares very little for you and just sees you as there to give him whatever sex he wants when he feels like it, or because he thinks there’s nothing fake and exaggerated about pornography and that we can use it as a basis for evaluating real-life relationships. In fact with your man it seems he thinks both these things: porn is a good guide, and you’re there to meet his sexual desires whatever their impact on you. Time to see these early warning signs as an indication of trouble ahead and get this man out of your life I’m afraid.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 December 2012):
 I agree with Cerberus here. I would drop a man who kept pressuring me. I wouldn't have let him try unless he was willing to let me ram a 10-inch dildo into his anus in and out for about 10 minutes.
Porn is fake. Those women are paid to moan like a wildebeest in heat. Even in porn, it always looks to me like the women on there are NOT having a good time during anal. It's acting out men's fantasies, and it's insulting for him to compare it to the real deal.
If he's trying anal every time you have sex, it's simple. Don't let him touch you ever again. End it, and next time, when you say no, mean it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2012): Just to add, if I was in your shoes it would be easy for me.
"You fucking drop this idea today or I drop you today. Make your choice but know if you bring it up ever again we're finished in that instant and there will be no grovelling promises of it not happening again, you'll be gone."
That easy for me OP.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2012): "Surely if he cared about me he would just drop it as its painful?"
It's not about not caring about you it's about knowing he can get it from you if he keeps trying.
OP no isn't in your vocabulary either. Sure you say no but you do bow to pressure. You let him do something you hate 3 times, you let him keep pestering you with absolutely no consequences at all.
"Why do men like it so much?"
Because anal makes you our bitch, we dominate and own you by making you do something painful that you hate for us. It's about domination and making sure you know who's boss, and basically he is your boss. Most of us don't really think that way though so anal isn't important to us at all, but for your guy it's about being your master and displaying the power he has over you.
"How can I make him stop trying to get it from me"
You can't. Because no isn't in your vocabulary either. Sure you say it but you eventually give in and will again. Deny it all you want but if I asked the pre-anal you, you'd tell me there's no chance in hell but you still did it.
OP 2 years he's been pestering you for this, most women would have told him to drop it or he gets dropped but you can't so nothing is going to get resolved.
OP you're in your 30's, I'd expect a teenage girl not to know how to handle this but you should be old and wise enough to know how to get someone to stop being a dick, the fact you can't tells me he owns you and it tells me he's going to keep getting what he wants from you.
If you don't like it then do it, if you don't like him pestering you, stop him. But after two years a woman of your age can't seem to figure it out? It means he owns you OP.
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