A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, i have met a guy in the summer when i was visiting my brother...after few month that i was back home (different country), he contacted me and we started to talk... chatting long hours and phone calls and all...he asked to get to know me better and that he likes me and all..now after 3 month of talks... he was thinking to visit since he is moving to another country too (closer to mine) and so that we sit and talk.with the pressure of work and other issues he might not be able to make it, and now he is questioning weather he is able to commit and take our talks to the next level for much longer over the phone or not...until he gets the chance to visit..he is confused if he can make it and if he will have the time and if this situation will last for 6 -8 month...we talked about it openely and he wants to know if i am able to handle that because he likes me a lot and if we can make that then he doesn't want to betray me in any way by saying he can when he cant...and he asked to think about it and that if i can make it like that... he needs us to be in this zone where we didnt go to the next level longer until he figures it out... and later we will see..he told me take the weekend to think... am i suppose to even contact him this weekend since i usually send him a good morning and we talk during the day and all that stuff)and if i feel that i want to know him more and more and i want to take to the next level but i am not sure where he stands? thanks for the help... Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (5 February 2011):
 the conventional wisdom is that 'the path of true love is never smooth'. True love often is faced with such tests. And such tests cannot be bad. For a marriage has to endure tests for perhaps 60 years for various reasons. So eight months does not look such a long time when one compares. Good luck with it all. Think everything through very carefully before every change.regards Abella
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Abella,
thank you for your answer....
well he is not in the same country at the moment even... we are talking about taking it to the next level in getting to know each other over the phone and mails and stuff more...
as for the concerns you are right... he is afraid if he can be committed to me for that long time so am i... but i like the guy a lot and i think it is worth the effort to give it a try and see where we can get...
i was thinking of giving it time as we are now longer and then go to a more intimate level in the next couple of month to see if i am able to visit or the other way around...
His job offer was before he met me, and i cant leave my job at the moment nor he can.
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A
male
reader, airwaterearthfirebender  +, writes (5 February 2011):
 Say no and move on and end this drivel. Life is too short to waste time on this nonsense. If you continue, you'll likely only end up regretting the time you wasted.
You really have no clue who this guy is and what he is doing. There is nothing that you have said other than he is just "some guy". He could be making up entire fabrications of stories, lies, etc.
No need to deal with this minutia and risks when someone locally can just as easily fit the bill. If you just want to go out and watch a movie or something you, then you can.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Abella,
thank you for your answer....
well he is not in the same country at the moment even... we are talking about taking it to the next level in getting to know each other over the phone and mails and stuff more...
as for the concerns you are right... he is afraid if he can be committed to me for that long time so am i... but i like the guy a lot and i think it is worth the effort to give it a try and see where we can get...
i was thinking of giving it time as we are now longer and then go to a more intimate level in the next couple of month to see if i am able to visit or the other way around...
His job offer was before he met me, and i cant leave my job at the moment nor he can.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (5 February 2011):
he's not sure if he can sustain a Long Distance Relationship. LDR are notable because they are very very difficult to sustain over time. Phone or skype calls, emails and text messages and web cam talks can only go so far.
It is very very lonely to never have the hugs in person. The closeness of seeing, touching, run your hands through his
hair, get up close, smell his skin.
Not having the smiles to shares, nor his eyes feasting on you. Not being able to attend events as a couple, which would happen if you lived in the same place.
Not being able to fix his favorite meal.
So he is worried. Will one or both of you get so lonely? That his absence will
become unbearable.
If he is asking himself whether he can remain faithfull to you, during 6 to 8 months absence then that is a red light that right now is not the time to become physically intimate with him.
Thousands of soldiers go overseas for long periods. Their partners have to endure such absences.
If he really likes you a lot, but has not yet fallen in love with you then being physically intimate with you will not bring love on.
If he truly loves you he will not put pressure on you to be physically intimate with him. Nor will he be so base as to imply it is a test of your love for him. If a guy truly loves a girl there is no way he would require intimacy to occur under those conditions.
But do ask yourself? Are you willing to remain faithful for the 6-8 months you do not see him in person?
And are you confident both he and you can answer 'yes' to that question above?
When a guy loves a girl the tempo and commitment usually escalate over time. The need to be with each other becomes stronger.
I am surprised that he did not seek out and secure a job closer to you, or in your city, so that he could be with you.
Before this relationship does escalate to the next level I think it would be preferable that you live in the same city and see each other daily. So for now the relationship may have to mark time. It is a test of character for both of you. And a test of your resolve to stay committed. And your determination to remain faithful.
Therefore under such circumstances do not weaken in the face of spurious arguments that could lead to temporary intimacy when that may be the last time you ever see you
It is remotely possible that he is slowly thinking whether or not he wants this relationship to continue in the future.
Tread carefully and talk to him about what is/are his biggest concernd
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