A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have lived with this guy for 10 years. In the fall he went on a trip with his son and met this woman from another country and spent the whole week with her. They went Jet Skiing and partied all week together. He told me about her and said they were just friends and nothing other than that happened between them. I have seen his e-mails he has sent her and what she has sent to him. He does not know I can see the e-mails. Now they are e-mailing and he is telling her how he misses their time together and how he misses her. She is wanting to see him again but he keeps telling her he cannot get off work. What do I do? Do I leave him and start over. Do I tell him I know about the e-mails?
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (15 November 2007):
 Well it seems like one of them, maybe both have a little bit of a crush going on. This is really difficult and I understand. It's quite possible they had fun all week and did nothing physical. I'd have to bet though that it crossed their minds, even if it was just a little bit.
My wife had gone away before and come home and told me about the people she's met. To be honest, I hated it. I hated it because I know some of the guys she met had other thoughts on their mind. That doesn't make any of then bad, it just makes me uncomfortable. It's just not a good situation for an extended period of time. A few hours hanging out in a bar, making conversation, while on vacation bar is one thing. An entire week would be too much for me to take.
I truly believe that people like to be flattered, especially by the opposite sex. Even if you're not looking for it, it feels good. In order for a spouse to be confident while their partner is getting buttered up, they must be very secure. It's hard to be that trusting. It is necessary though. The alternative would be to tell your partner they could not go away, talk to others, have fun etc, without you. That, although it may feel threatening, is necessary. Just because someone enjoys them self without your present doesn't mean they value you less. They meet someone that turns them on and they feel attracted to. That's the risk of life. They either cheat or they don't. It sucks but it's true.
The temptation is always there. Your man may feel he can control his temptation. For me, that fact that my partner felt an attraction would be enough for me to put the brakes on a friendship like that. Although your partner might not admit to an attraction to the woman, I would question that. I don't know too many men that have those kind of relationships with strangers of the opposite sex.
Keep your eyes open. Telling a stranger you miss them is too much for m.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2007): Well the first thing you need to do is confront the bloke with the emails (though I don't condone reading someone's private things) and ask him again if anything happened.
If he denies it... tell him that to prove it he has to shut the girl out for certain period of time.
Or you could email the girl asking whether she knows the bloke is already in a relationship and what went on.
If they choose to lie or if they are telling the truth you'll just have to decide for yourself.
Flynn 24
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