A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid, I've been dating my current boyfriend for 9 months now. I love him he knows that and I know that he loves me too! My only problem is he makes promises but does not keep them, I'm having 2 kids from my past relationship and he said he wants to help raising them he'll pay for their school funds but he is not doing it. He says he want's this but then changes his mind mind! That gives me doubt about his love! He always tells me that he loves me but things he does makes me think he doesn't! Is he with me cause he loves me or is he bored or he is after something? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (16 April 2012):
 ?'lopartner'????
What was I thinking?
That was supposed to say: loving partner.
I am sure most of you realized that:)
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (16 April 2012):
hi
You are very welcome. Work on valuing you. You do deserve good things in the future. Like an honest reliable lopartner.
Because you know you are a Great Mom, a Good person, and a Responsible Parent.
Best Wishes,
Abella
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Abella. Thanks a million for your answer! It is really an eye opener so thanks!!!
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (16 April 2012):
When I hear about a charming glorious good looking man who has entwined a lovely lady with his magic and yet has no real long term plans my heart goes out to that lady.
And you do it tough. You have two children to bring up. Schooling is expensive. Looking after two children when you are on your own is a very heavy burden .
And you come as a package. you and your children. That is non-negotiable and you sound like a good mother who values education for her children.
And your children also deserve the good home and the good food and love that you provide.
But it would be a lot easier if you could share that load and maybe get a little help with the expenses.
And when he offers to do such things as well as give you love your heart melts.
But in this case your heart is ruling not your head.
He is not with you at all.
He is not even on the same page. He says the things he knows you want to hear. He makes promises he does not have any intention of honouring.
He changes his mind and does not properly explain his reasons.
Of course you are starting to wonder if you can trust him. As well you should be wondering.
He will break your heart with his failed promises. Not to mention the betrayal and eroding of trust he will wreck on your children.
Watch his behaviour and his actions.
His words are just window dressing.
His actions are the main act.
And act up he will.
He likes having you around as you are kind and trusting and just the kind of nice lady he's always wanted.
Very soon he will be eager for your to become pregnant as a way to bond you to him even more.
But he will not be there for you when you need him.
You will not be able to rely on him in the future.
He may occasionally make a generous gesture. These gestures will be a 'one-off' to keep you sweet on him.
But his long term plans are all about him. About always having a nice available woman for him. When it suits him, and on his terms, not mutually agreed terms.
He especially needs a lady who will believe all his fanciful stories about what his is going to do.
Look after you, keep you safe, help with the education of your children, and all manner of promises.
Except he is not going to do those things.
He will keep coming around for company and comfort.
He will keep telling you he loves you as long as you keep believing all his stories about what he is going to do.
But try to call him to account for his many empty promises, the times he has changed his mind about a promises, and his grandiose offers that will not come to fruition - then you will see the real man.
When you stop believing his empty promises he will find another new lady and weave his magic again with his charm. Until she wakes up to the fact that he implies he intends to do many things. But he has not the drive and determination to make those things happen.
He has not just failed to meet one promise. He has failed to meet several promises. He promies where he has changed his mind. He does not have the character strength and the backbone to provide you and your children with the support you need. And he has no intention of getting that emeshed into a long term relationship.
Cut your losses before he breaks your heart. When someone or something sounds too good to be true that is usually because it is too good to be true.
You do not need to have a blazing row with him. Just quietly let him down with a dignified good bye. He has probably heard similar good byes before. He will move on quickly to a new girl.
Do not fret and berate yourself. Such charming personable well presented sexy delightful men exist all over the world. They are best kept at arms length until they realise that a reliable man, who turns up when he says he will, who does manage to keep his promises, who does pay his bills on time and who is well organised and who you can rely on - such men do exist. They may not be the flashiest man. They are solid reliable honourable men who keep their promises. Who mean what they say and say it. Who follow through on what they say they will do.
Trust me - such good men are out there. And I do hope that you meet such a man and enjoy his company and his good intentions. His empathy and econsideration for you and your family.
And given time such a man will come to love you and carabout being with you.
Always look at a man's ACTIONS every step of the way.
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