| A ,
*luebell
writes: I have been going out with my boyfriend for 4 months and it's been very difficult. I like him a lot but he doesn't like the way I dress and gets angry at me when I say stupid things - basically he's made me think twice about opening my mouth in case I say something to get him angry. I worry about what I wear and say now coz I don't want to him to get mad at me. Yet my previous boyfriend didn't have any problems with me. I don't know what I should do - Should I carry on being with him but have to change or just accept that I'm not right for him and break up with him? Please advise. Is he in the wrong or is he right? I'm so confused. I feel trapped and unhappy. I want to be able to say and do what I feel. I'm always trying to please him and listen to whatever he says. He makes me feel stupid and sometimes worthless-he makes me feel like a little kid and I feel he talks down to me, but he can be nice to me when he thinks i look nice. What shall I do? If I try having it out with him he says to me 'You can't change now' so I can't even talk back or get angry with him. Am I scared of him? Please could you give me some advice on what I should do. thank-you
View related questions:
trapped Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2005): Girl get out! I know that you feel like you are really into him but you haven't even been together that long. Love is definately blind and it makes us women make poor decisions. I know that you feel like you just want to please him, change for him, that he will change, etc. but he probably won't. There is a chance that he might but it is only when you show him that you are strong and independent on your own. Then he might realize what an idiot he is being but you really don't need him. 4 months and he is treating you this way already, what is he going to do in the future? That scares me and it should scare you too! I saw a statistic the other day that said something like half of all women have had a husband or boyfriend mentally, physically, or emotionally abuse them during their life. This is a horrible statistic and do you really want to put up with it? You are worth so much more than that and I know for a fact that there are a million men out there that are willing to appreciate and love you. It is just really hard to get rid of the losers and forget about needing someone because they will appear when you aren't looking. (I know from experience)
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (23 April 2005):
 The answer to your letter is in your question. You say he makes you feel "stupid and worthless" and that you feel "trapped and unhappy" and also that you "can't even talk back or get angry with him". That's not a healthy, loving relationship, dearie.Are you "scared of him"? Not yet, but if you stay with him, he'll eventually break you down into a person with no mind or ideas of your own. You'll spend every minute of every day obsessing about what you might say or do that might upset him. You'll let him decide what you wear, who you can see, when you can go out, what work you can do, where your money's spent... and on. And on. That's how abusers treat their partners. And honey, you've picked an abuser.Good god, why would you want to stay with someone like that? Why have you been with him for 4 months? Run, woman. Run!!Any person who runs you down and tells you you're stupid, who treats you like you're feeble-minded and doesn't like the way you dress... who basically strips out every aspect of the personality that makes you, you... is guilty of abuse. What he's doing is trying to make you feel so bad about yourself that you'll decide you're unworthy of anyone except His Majesty. Then you'll never leave him, because - as he'll tell you someday - "Who'd want YOU, you stupid cow?"Well, listen to me: If you're such a stuff-up, why is Mr I'm-Made-of-Gold wasting his time on you? If he's such a hot shot, let him go and find someone who's already perfect, just like he is.Sorry to drip such sarcasm, but I have no time at all for mental or physical abusers. You don't even have to break up with this poor excuse for a man. Just leave. Stop taking his calls, don't talk to him, delete his texts, don't worry about his feelings. You don't even owe him an explanation.Remember that all his running you down is a ploy to keep you with him, so he can run you down some more and thereby make himself feel powerful. That's just sick, and so is he.Leave. That way you'll be free to find someone who treats you like you deserve, as a very special, lovable person.
...............................
|
