A
female
age
41-50,
*amb
writes:my bf and i have been in a pattern of conflict over an issue for quite some tiime.basically i find out he's done something hurtful, he promises t change, and i begin slowly to trust him again.then before long (usually 3-4 weeks later) i catch him again. he apologises, promises to change. this time the promise includes an agreement "no more lies" - if he does break the promise, he needs to tell me he's done so. that way we can begin to repair the broken promise. i begin to trust him again, and then...this time he breaks the promise and hides the evidence. i find the hidden evidence and approach him "you've broken your promise. what are we going to do about this?" he lies in the face of evidence repeatedly. he lies to my face. so now he has broken a promise, and deceived me.he promises it won't happen again. am i a fool to believe this? how can i learn to trust him again? i don't want to be focusing on this all the time. i don't want ot be waiting for it to happen again, expecting the worst all the time. how can i let it go? is it possible to trust again after so many lies? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, kurvy  +, writes (12 November 2008):
There really is not a way to trust him if he has been consistently lying to you. You would most definitely not be focusing on this all the time if he had not done it so much. Worst of all, the relationship is now being focused on trust than it is actually doing anything. What you can do to let go is ultimately start talking to other guys, and I don't think it is possible to trust a guy after all those promises. I know its hard to do this, but it just seems that the relationship is dying.. all those promises, broken every single time..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): He has to earn your trust, and the way it sounds he never will. And by you telling him "if you do it again, you have to come to me and tell me," You're giving him permission To Do It Again! I don't know what the "issue" is but I have a few scenarios in my head! I was married to a man just like that for 17 yrs! He never changed! There's a saying, f**k me once, shame on you...f**k me twice, shame on me! Well the fact that I always forgave sent the message that I always will forgive! Does that make sense? I hope so, 'cause it's all I got!!
I know what it's like to live your life like that and it sucks. Believe me, you are better off without him!
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A
female
reader, KickRox +, writes (12 November 2008):
 First of all, actions speak louder than words. If he keeps making promises..just look at his actions. It might take him a few weeks but he's back to the same thing again.
Think about it!
Keep me posted.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2008): listen if you love this guy it doesn't matter how he treats you you are always going to find a way to forgive him...but sometimes its wats right for you that you have to look at...he might change but if it keeps going on and he keeps massing with your trust....sonner than later you are gonna have trust issues you wouldnt be able to trust anyone that is not good so my advice is give him this last chance and if he fails then kick him to the curb if not for good then temporary and tell him to think about wat he is doing and make him learn the hard way..tell him see by wat your doin it will make you lose something so good...or you can TRY ANOTHER APPROACH.... look at yourself and say wat am i doing wrong to make him do this if you look at it like that and see wat you are doing wrong fix it if you cant see ask him what can i do to help you stop...if this advise works amail me at [email address blocked] tell em wat happens....xoxo...
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