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anonymous
writes: Hello Friends! I have a scenario that I would like your opinion on. I was having a nice conversation with my boyfriend last night, and the topic turned to Hollywood actors. I was telling him who my favorites were. And then I said, Johnny Depp is my favorite! He's so hot! I would sleep with him!!!! Of course, I was just kidding. I am old enough to be his mother, and my boyfriend is older than me. There was silence for a minute, and then he said "I'm hanging up now." I said "Honey, I was just kidding." Well it turned into a fight that lasted hours, and was never really resolved. He was furious! I was in shock! Now he is convinced that I will cheat on him! He made me feel like a dirty little slut! Men, do you and your ladies talk about fantasy people you would like to sleep with? Do you enjoy the trash talk? I took a survey at work with the women, and they all said basically the same thing. But I want your honest opinions, I don't want to sway you one way or the other. Please let me know what you think of this situation. I am too old for this and don't know how to handle it! Your help would be appreciated!Thanks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey Satindesire...thanks for watching my back! Yes Anon, I did apologize 7 times! I just received a phone call from him, he told me he talked to his sister about the situation, and she told him he was being too sensitive, and if I was really thinking of doing anything like that with anyone, I wouldn't say anything like that! Now this is an 84 year old woman...and she understood! But I guess it made him realize that he was being childish! Anyway, I still don't know where we stand, because he had a phone call to make and he said he would call me back. I don't know where I am right now! I don't know what I should do. Should I be the stubborn (or maybe just cautious) one and just end it. I am going to wait to hear what else he has to say. He said there was something else he had to talk to me about. So, Who knows what that will be! Well, thank you everyone for being here for me. I will keep you posted!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): Well, I have a husband that wouldn't find it funny either...so I probably would've apologized instead of saying 'just kidding'. BUT you have your own opinion, and most people think he's being immature, so you have to go with your heart and be with the kind of man you can live with.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello! Here's a follow-up to last weeks drama...since his recovery from the heart attack, he has been very distant. I thought it was because he is trying not to smoke and drink. However last night I asked him if he still wanted me to move up there, and he replied "if you want to." That was not the answer I was looking for! So this morning I sent him a very long, loving and caring email, questioning his answer and letting him know I deserve to know what he is thinking...Well, tonight, he called and I asked him again. And believe it or not, he is still hung-up on the Johnny Depp remark. He told me he can't be with a woman who thinks about sleeping with other men! I was blown away! I can't believe he thinks I was serious!
Well, we ended the call with him saying "I'll call you sometime." We said good night and that was that. I intend to give him exactly a week to come to his senses. If I don't hear from him by Sunday night, on Monday I will cancel my plans to move up to Maine, cancel my transfer, and be done with the relationship. I know it will be difficult for a while, but I also know I will survive! Especially with all my friends on this site!
Thank you for all your support in the past and hopefully in the future!
Britt429
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate on my guy and his heart attack....first of all, thankyou so much for all your support and encouragement. My guy is coming home today! They replaced the stints they put in 6 months ago, with longer ones. He sounds great! I am so grateful for all wishes and prayers! Thankyou so much! You are awesome caring, fun people...thank you for helping me keep my sense of humor during a frightening time! God Bless you all!
...and definitely, there will never be any "Johnny Depp talk" again! lol!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think Steven Tyler is hot too! In a grungy sort of way. He is definitely hot!
Pvtguy, Your right my guy is much better! And so are you!
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reader, starfairy  +, writes (15 March 2009):
 Oh my God lol! I told my boyfriend I thought Steven Tyler from Aerosmith is hot and I'd do him & he just told me I was weird and he now questions my taste in men & doesn't know if he should be insulted lol :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): i have checked with Vanessa Paradis and she says thats fine since that gives her more time to spend with me.... (in my mind...)
think when he is a bit better test the water with him and ask if he ok with it and talk gently..
Star.x.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Starfish! No I can't get out there this week but I will try to go if he is scheduled for surgery.
I know logically that I didn't cause it, I still don't think I did anything wrong, However, I now know what not to joke around about with him. Inspite of all my serious worry and concern about my guy, last night I had a thought that I will Never be able to watch a Johnny Depp movie with him! I will have to sneak around like a cheater. And then, if I get caught, he will probably consider it cheating! So I am going to have to give Johnny the bad news, that it is over between us! HMMM, I wonder what his gorgeous girlfriend will say about that???? Thank God I am blessed with a sense of humor! Life would be far more difficult without it!
Thanks for your support!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): Hug - you know its not true(that you triggered it). he can't live his life in the belief that you are having an affair with Johnny Depp? I think the tabloids would know mind you he is a very good actor?....I think it was waiting to happen and was probably in motion long before your JD story.
Be strong - he is going to need you. its a tough time. Can you get out to see him? thoughts are with you both.
Star.x.
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reader, Good Girl  +, writes (15 March 2009):
 Don't panic. He is stable and probably acting like himself from u what you said. This is no time to be on edge. Stress is bad in any situation. You really didn't do anything wrong, and you have to believe that. The best thing you can do is be calm and try to pass that on to him. Take care of yourself though, and make sure that you are sleeping and eating on a normal schedule. That really does a lot to keep you feeling steady. I hope you are having peaceful dreams as I am typing this!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAn Update for anyone who cares...I have spoken with my guy, he is in stable condition, and waiting for Monday morning to have tests done. He offered one of the doctors $100 for a cigarette! LOL...so I know he's himself!
I still feel as though our argument on Thursday night pushed him over the edge! He is far away from me and I can't get there at this time. He lives clear across the country...hence the jealousy! Any words of encouragement would be appreciated!
Thank you to all those who have responded to me! This site has been a godsend and the people here are awsome! I may sound like I am rambling and I am sorry...it's nervous energy! God Bless You All!
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reader, Lucky as hell +, writes (15 March 2009):
You shouldn't feel like a slut...you should be feeling healthy and human and...if you're over 50, he should be happy you're still feeling sexy and beautiful and wanting it...he doesn't realize what a woman he has. It's only a fantasy about a man you'll never have anyway. (unfortunately) Life isn't meant to be so serious. He needs to lighten up and have fun with you!
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reader, Broken Arrow +, writes (15 March 2009):
Hi,
Great question! Here's the thing - Definitely not for Everybody. The Jealousy thing is hard to beat ya know. For me tho, a great way to sexually enhance a relationship. Spices it up and really keps me on the edge.. Lots of anxiety - but good communication, full honesty and a few ground-rules - WOW really drives me Crazy! With me - I don't want to play around by myself or be with anyone else (unless we play together). I like to watch and maybe join in but this is all about her and that really pleases me. This is really just a way for her to have a great time and to increase the sexual tension and desire that I have for her. I would never want to LOSE her -life is too short and it is what you make out of it But, check it out... If I found out that she was cheating on me, or lying to me about what was going on, I would be gone soooo fast.
They say women are from Venus and men from Mars - but, some of us are really from Jupiter! Good Luck, just be carefull what you wish for or fantasize about - just might come true!
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reader, Broken Arrow +, writes (15 March 2009):
Hi,Great question! Here's the thing - Definitely not for Everybody. The Jealousy thing is hard to beat ya know. For me tho, a great way to sexually enhance a relationship. Spices it up and really keps me on the edge.. Lots of anxiety - but good communication, full honesty and a few ground-rules - WOW really drives me Crazy! With me - I don't want to play around by myself or be with anyone else (unless we play together). I like to watch and maybe join in but this is all about her and that really pleases me. This is really just a way for her to have a great time and to increase the sexual tension and desire that I have for her. I would never want to LOSE her -life is too short and it is what you make out of it But, check it out... If I found out that she was cheating on me, or lying to me about what was going on, I would be gone soooo fast.They say women are from Venus and men from Mars - but, some of us are really from Jupiter! Good Luck, just be carefull what you wish for or fantasize about - just might come true!
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reader, Good Girl +, writes (15 March 2009):
First of all, Mr. Johnny Depp is my favorite peice of movie eye candy too, so right away I have to side with you. I don't know how your man could have reacted that way. Maybe he was just having a bad day and then didn't want to own up to the fact that he was being immature. I think being attracted in a purely appreciative way is in no way indicative of someone's sluttyness. (psychological term) I hope he lightens up and apologizes. If not, now you know!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPvtguy: Thanks for your reply...but I actually knew exactly what you would say...hhhmmm?
I am so comfortable with my guy I feel I can say anything! we have wonderful communication! However, I know he is very jealous and I should have thought before I spoke! But you know what they say about hindsight. I have never been in a relationship where we didn't joke around like that...for heavans sake! I was talking about a celeb. who practically the whole female population feels the same about! I was a joke!!!!
My ex used to tell this couple we knew all the time that we should "swap" because the husband was more like me, and the wife was more like him! I never was insulted by it, I knew IT WAS JUST A JOKE!
Anyway we have let that go and neither of us want to discuss it ever again.
There are more serious issues here. He has had a heart attack, they are transferring him to another hospital by ambulence, and will be undergoing tests today. I am holding my breath till I hear from him!
TO ALL YOU BELIEVERS OUT THERE: PLEAS PRAY FOR HIM! His name is not important; God will know who you are directing your prayers to!
Thank you again
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reader, dr.2.be +, writes (14 March 2009):
 Im so sorry about what happened to your boyfriend. Dont worry, you were not the cause of his heart attack. Despite popular belief, heart attacks are not caused by psychological stress. Instead they are caused by lifestyle and genetics and sometimes and severe life threatening injury that causes a person's brain to excrete excess glutamate which basically poisons the nervous system causing the heart to stop if they are not given a glutamate antagonist in time. (but that is by a different mechanism and can happen even to the healthiest person in the world when they have an life threatening injury which is unrelated to your boyfriends situation. I was just putting that out there.)You stated that he was a smoker. Smoking immensely increases the risk of heart disease and heart attacks by making your body more susceptible to hardening of the arteries, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and arterial blockage. That combined with the excessive drinking. (I assume since you said he drinks like a fish) certainly could have contributed to his heart attack since his risk factor was exponentially increased. No worries, again you were not the cause and your blip in the relationship was not caused by it. It just happened to be a unfortunate coincidence.Maybe when he gets better you can encourage him to stop smoking, get some exercise (ie take a walk with him around the block every morning before work), moderate his drinking and increase his intake of whole grains and decrease the intake of animal fats and cut out trans fats. He will become much healthier and his risk of another heart attack will go down. Improvements in heart health can be seen in as little as a month following consistent lifestyle change.I hope I was able to help you feel better. I will have you and your boyfriend in my prayers, praying for a speedy recovery.Good Luck. :)
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reader, dr.2.be +, writes (14 March 2009):
You didnt do anything wrong and your boyfriend shouldnt take something like this so seriously. Just the other day we were watching TV and I saw a commercial for the show Kyle XY. I blurted out "The guy who plays Kyle is so hot, I wanna have sex with him." (I dont know the actors name. lol) My boyfriend just looked at me and said "no your not" and proceeded to tickle me.He knows I have a sense of humor and I joke a lot. Plus we trust each other and we have good communication so it was okay. Sounds like your relationship lacks trust and your boyfriend may be overly jealous at an immature level. Dont speak of it again and act like it didnt happen. If he breaks up with you over this, he really isnt worth your time and in my opinion needs to start acting his age.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your thoughtful answers! I at least now know that I'm not crazy! Your answers were exactly on the lines as I was thinking. However, the plot has thickened. Last night, I couldn't get in touch with him, I thought he was ignoring my calls. It was tearing me apart. I took a sleeping pill, shut off my phone, and went to sleep at 7:30 am. A find this morning that a call came in at 7:34. He is in ICU, he had another heart attack (his third)
Now I feel responsible! Even though I know I can't possibly be. He has a stressful job, he drinks like a fish, and smokes! I can't help thinking that I set him off to act in a self-destructive way.
We normally have a great relationship. He is a great communicator! We have conversations that last hours (LDR)
I am waiting to hear from him now. I am beside myself with worry!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009): I knew a married couple and had a conversation with the wife... and she told me that her and her husband had certain celebrities (a pro-wrestler in her case, Kane, I think... and Janet Jackson for him) that if on the VERY slim remote chance either of them would meet these celebrities (and said celebs were at all interested), they were allowed to sleep with them, no questions asked, no anger, it wouldn't be considered cheating, etc. Of course, they both knew that the odds of this happening were so astronomical that it was really just a joke between them. I thought it was sweet, considering how in love the 2 of them were (after many years of marriage). From what I understand, a lot of secure couples do that.
I remember watching American Psycho recently with my boyfriend and remarking on the beauty of Christian Bale's naked form and then promptly turned to my boyfriend and said, "But he's got nothing on you, babe." (I cleaned that one up real quick.)
Fact is, unless any of us actually work in Hollywood (or wherever our celebrites of choice work), the liklihood of meeting and cheating with a celeb is practially zero. So, in all honestly, your boyfriend really needs to grow up. Especially because I'm quite sure there's a celeb or two he'd like to get with if in the very unlikely event he were to meet her and she would want to get with him.
And to add to the hot & sexy celeb list: there's always Denzel Washington, Morris Chestnut, Christian Bale (as mentioned before), Edward Norton if you like them slim... oh so very many to choose from! :-)
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009): How childish is he? My boyfriend and I joke about this stuff all the time.
"Scarlet Johansson is gorgeous, I so would"
"Me too"
Lol, there's nothing wrong with it. Just because you think Jonny Depp is hot does not mean you're gonna go out and cheat on him. And well, there aren't that many Jonny Depp types out there are there? Lol. Only insecure/jealous people would have a problem with their partner having a crush on someone you're never going to meet.
This guy needs to get over himself. I would suggest moving on from him... and maybe emailing him the link to this question to take him down a peg or two.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009): Your comment was not wrong to you. It was wrong to him. And, neither of you are right or wrong as this is about personality, not morality.
I wouldn't let my man drag me through the guilt mire because of your personality that he interpreted as a ho bag. You explained why you said it, you apologized, and so it's done. I agree with OliviaY. You did your part, so just go on and act like it's all forgotten and be cool.
If your man doesn't come back around in time, then maybe the match was probably not all that. Keep dating around and have fun.
BTW, you know who else is totally hot: Mark Wahlberg, Matt Damon and Matthew McCaunaghey. However you spell Matthew's name. all three totally worthy of your Freudian Slip, any slip really...
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reader, sappygirl +, writes (14 March 2009):
 I don't think you did anything wrong. These are actors that
We will never meet. They are famous because they are hot!
And we dream of being with them. But there's a difference between
Fantasy and reality. Personally I think your guy is insecure. You already
Apologized. I mean ... You were kidding. He should lighten upand take
A joke. If my guy made a joke about a hot model. go for it... But most likely
It's never gonna happen. And it did.. I wouldn't want him anyway.
Don't let him manipulate you. Say you are truly sorry and move on and
Never mention another guy again. It's his issues.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009): Sheesh! What a baby your boyfriend is! I can't imagine anyone being so annoyed over that remark as to act like he is. Do you guys have a solid relationship, or do you think possibly he's trying to pick a fight with you to initiate a break-up? I've had that happen to me before, so it isn't unheard of. All you can do is apologize, which it sounds like you have done over and over. Now all you can do is wait while he sulks and gets it out of his system. It doesn't sound like he's very good at communication, which is something you should give some thought to. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have aplogized 7 times. I told him I love only him, and that it was a joke! I realize (now) it hurt him and I never want to hurt him. I told him that too.
And as far as him saying something like that about oh, say, Angelina Jolie, I would probably say "yeah I would too!" I would make a joke out of it too.
I love my guy (if he still is my guy) with all my heart. We have only been together for a year. I came from a 20 year relationship where it was okay to joke around like that. It just came out without thinking! And I told him that too! I cried for hours last night. I begged him to forgive me. I know I screwed up but, I don't have a rule book! Of course I regret it ever happened, but now he won't even talk to me!
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reader, Jessory +, writes (14 March 2009):
 I know you was kidding... I have actually joked around with my fiance with a similar situation... somewhat... We were of course watching a movie with John Liguazamo in it (spelled something like that)and I piped up and said "mmmm John Liguazamo... he's so cute" and I looked over at him with a smile as I was joking with him, and he was like... "hon, you know I don't like it when you kid like that." I just kissed him and told him that I was playing and that I wan't to see if he still loves me enough to still be jealous when I think some other guy is cute... He forgave me, but if I put myself in his posistion, I could see where he is coming from... I would be pissed out of my mind if my fiance said that some other woman was sexy! So, I figured that I shouldn't joke like that anymore... When you do joke like that, it still is a hurtful joke, and it makes the person feel shitty and that they are not good enough for you. Tell him how you felt, and tell him to get over it, and tell him that you are sorry and that now you understand how he feels...
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reader, Mrs. Mom +, writes (14 March 2009):
 I think you have to take your partners feelings into account. I try to be discreet about saying stuff like "Oh my God that Sting is SO HOT!" because I'm not sure whether my husband will feel insecure or not. As it turns out, he doesn't really mind, but I didn't know for sure until recently (and we've been together for almost 30 years! It's nice there are some things I don't know about him yet).
Anyway, all that to say there is no general rule. If you love your boyfriend, then respect his feelings and don't say stuff like that. If I were you, I'd buy him a bouquet of flowers and apologize sweetly and tell him you were totally not serious, but you will never do it again if he dislikes it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe wasn't having a bad day, but he had been drinking quite a bit!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2009): there are two stage to this - the fantasy ones and the nearby ones...
So the johnny depp ones... not a problem kind of fun - liz Hurley for me. and no not bothered as fantasy.
however... when we get to the real ones - the friends, work colleges that's where its dangerous and threatening. so naturally your boyfriend obviously realises you could meet johnny and shagg him senseless and therefore is worried and losing to him. Give him his pride back... tell him johhny depp was limp and your man is a stud.
Star.x.
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reader, Olivia(Y). +, writes (13 March 2009):
 Explain to your boyfriend that you love him any no one else matters.Surely he knows you were only joking, most of the female population love Johnny Depp.Was he just having a bad day and kinda flipped? Phone him up tomorrow and just start a normal conversation and mabey arrange to meet up for a lunch date or something, he might of forgotten what happened.Your not a "Dirty slut". Everyone thinks actors are hot.Good luckLiviax
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