A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months now. In the begining he was amazing. Super nice, caring everything i wanted. But lately we have been fighting over random things due to the stress of school. At some point I guess the fighting has gotten to him, he knew when i got with him that he wasnt my first. suddenly its become a huge problem with him. He says im not his and that our relationship wont work. Ive tried everything to help him get over this. He says having sex makes him feel as though im his so eventually he will feel ok. But i dont always want to have sex(he wants to every day) and then he kinda gets upset if I dont want to because he is trying so hard to make me his. I love him. He always tells me i deserve better and i will hold it against it eventually. Everyday he tells me we shouldnt b together because of it. he has changed sooo much. Has anyone had this before or knows how i can help him get over it. I want my old bf. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone!! He and I finally broke up/took a break. He kept telling me that it was over we couldnt be together. So this time when he said it was over, I said I know. I gave him his stuff back. I think he wanted the reassurance that I was going to stay with him. This through him off. I'm hoping this shock will help him realize he cant have me until he gets over his issues. Thanks for all your help.
A
female
reader, muffy +, writes (19 November 2010):
 Okay sweetie,I'm so sorry your going through this.Sex shouldn't just be an item.It's something you do when your in love with someone.Unfortunately,your mans hormones are raging.When he doesn't get what he wants,he takes it out on you.Sit him down and explain that when you guys have sex,you want it to be special everytime and not just sex.It should be making love.If he's going to break up with you just because you won't have sex with him then he's just not the one.Saying that if you guys have sex it'll make him feel that your his more is just a lame excuse.Don't fall for it.If you need anything let me know.
Love and kisses,
Muffy33
...............................
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (19 November 2010):
 Caring, super nice.
Okay, so this guy is upset your not a virgin. Fair enough BUT you are NOT a virgin anymore are you? I know this, because you are having sex with him. But has he committed to you (married)? No.
So basically, he is upset you are not a virgin BUT making full use of it and making you even less a virgin for the next guy.
This makes him a hypocrite. If you want your wife to be a virgin, you can't fuck your girlfriend.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (19 November 2010):
Who you were, and who you are now are the same person. He can't hate your past. Your past is the reason you're who you are.
Oh, and bad news. There is no way he will get over this. It's called retroactive jealousy, and remains the biggest waste of time in any relationship. As long as you live, he will never accept that he was not your first. He'll always put himself down, he'll always get mad about it. And for some reason, he seems to think you're not his. Good. He doesn't own you. No man own's you. Ever.
My fear for you is that you'll sit there and accept this poor treatment. And it is poor treatment. He has no trust for you, no respect for you, but he will have sex with you. That's not good enough. It's degrading, and if you allow yourself to be treated this way, you'll always be treated this way.
The truth is you DO deserve better. You deserve a guy who will respect the fact you have a past, and not just think that you're some object he needs to own. You won't get your old boyfriend, because like you with your past, he is the person he always was, and always will be.
So, it comes down to you. Either you're a person who thinks it's acceptable to be treated this way, in which case stay with him. Or you're a person who can see there is more to a relationship than mistrust, sex and a bizarre idea of ownership and you can move on. I'd say it's best to move on.
...............................
|
