A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so how to begin my troubles? Well it all started about 2 years ago when I met this guy who was cute, sweet, caring, and we clicked very well. We were together a very short amount of time(less than 6 months) when I got pregnant by him while I was a senior in high school. Our relationship crumbled throughout the pregnancy because he lied often and kept secrets from me. Also, he told exes his missed them while we were together. Shortly after giving birth I left him and we didn't talk since. We were together almost a year and a half. He has no rights to our child ( that's a different story) so basically I had to survive on my own the first year of my daughters life without him in it. I am in college by the way. Anyways, while we were broken up I met this other guy who was also perfect at first. We had a lot more in common than I did with the first guy. He was also the type of man I was looking for. Strong both physically and more important emotionally, a wonderful sense of humor, kind, and he was also great to my daughter and bought her things. He brought out a different side of me that I liked much more. Being around him gave me confidence. He was always there for me. However, like the first guy he did some things to break my ytrust. For example, I caught him in several lies. None of the lies were as big as the first guys, but they were still lies. I understand that noone is perfect but after several times I got fed up with it. Anyways, because of my mistrust for guy number 2 we began to argue. Guy number 2 also lives 30 miles away from me so its harder for us to see each other. Anyways, guy number 1 wanted to come back into my daughters life so I allowed him to. He immediately told me he still had feelings for me. I was dating Guy number 2 at the time. Anyways, I told guy number 2 that I just wanted to be friends until he starts doing what he says he's going to do. We were together 5 months and guy number 2 has a lot of financial difficulties, so do I, and that adds to making things harder for us to see each other and work on rebuilding trust. Guy number 2 always told me he was looking for a job so he could save and move to the town I live in. He looked for a job for 2 months and still had not got anything more than 2 interviews and one job offer in a town even futher away. He worked odd jobs and such to make money. Anyways, I was at the point of being depressed because we were only seeing each other once or twice a month. I was also upset because I had lost my trust for him and without seeing him its hard to make things better. Plus, I wanted to see if he was serious. My family ( who I live with but do not get along with) hated guy Number 2 and said he was no good for me. I love guy number 2. I know we could work things out if our circumstances would improve. Anyways, after I told guy number 2 I just wanted to be friends he was furious and quit talking to me. I was devastated and guy number 1 was always there. Guy number 1 does live close to me, he is more financially stable, and we do have a kid together. Although I did have a few feelings left for Guy number 1, it couldn't compare to my feelings for guy number 2. But still guy number 2 quit talking to me I gave guy number 1 a shot. Things were good at first besides the fact we have very little in common now and we don't have much time for each other because our schedules conflict. Then guy number 2 came to his senses and we started talking again and I was building trust for him again. Then I found plane tickets to a different state miles away. When guy number 2 and I first broke up he told me he was moving because I was the only thing he had here. However, after we started talking again he told me he was not moving and he was going to do his original plans as if we were together. After I found the plane tickets I got really upset and hurt because they were ordered after we started talking again. He claimed that the person he was doing odd jobs for ordered them because he did not know his change of plans. I did not believe this so I quit talking to him again for fear of getting hurt again because my trust was gone. Well, guy number 1 and I continued to see each other and things were going well besides the fact that I couldn't get guy number 2 out of my head. Anyways, guy number 2 and I started talking once again and things were working out great. Then guy number 1 found out about guy number 2 and vice versus so I had to make a choice. I took the safer route and chose guy number 1 because he was my babys father, he was financially stable, we got along well, and even though my feelings for him were not like before I knew I could sacrifice my own feelings to make sure my daughter was taken care of and to also stop the drama between my family and me about seeing guy number2. Deep down I was sad about guy number 2 but I was starting to actually feel fire coming back for guy number 1. Then I discovered guy number 1 lied to me and told something he was not supposed to tell all in the same day. We had just officially gotten back together and he already messed things up. When I told him I was very hurt and didn't know if I could trust him the same, he yelled at me and said he isn't going to deal with trust issue bull crap like before. I felt so stupid because I listened to everyone else on who to pick. So I called guy number 2 because he was my best friend and he showered me with warmth and kindness even though I broke his heart. So my question is, now that you know the story, should I stay with guy 1 or work things out with number 2. I need unbiased opinions.
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best friend, broke up, confidence, depressed, money, my ex Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank You Soo much! Its very nice to get a response about this because it has been troubling me for way too long. I agree you are right and deep down I was afraid to admit it for fear of loosing people I had such good memories with. I'm glad you opened my eyes. I wish you the best !
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (19 November 2010):
 My unbiased opinion is as follows...you are a strong young woman who took the brave decision to have a baby as a teen and take on responsibility well beyond your years. You are going to college and I would assume aspiring to a better life for your family. However, you are asking us who should be your partner? The answer is quite simple, neither. You already know that deep down because you wouldn't be here asking complete strangers otherwise.
It would be a brave decision to walk away from both given that single life can be lonely, but it would be the right decision for your future happiness. Both men in your life are flaky in one way or another. Lots of people settle for poor relationships just to avoid being single. It would be far better for you to finish college and find a job so you can get a place of your own away from family. I am not suggesting that you cut ties with your family - you may not like them right now but that may change in the future. As you assume an independent life in your 20's you will meet new people. You are obviously attractive to have these two men fighting for your attention. However you should hold onto that thought to give you the confidence to say 'no thanks' to both (or anyone else who is messing you about). In the future you will meet a man who ticks all the boxes and doesn't lie to you or try to play games. Don't settle for less than this as it won't last and all these arguments must be unsettling for both you and your child.
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