A
female
age
41-50,
*aymay
writes:hellowhen i met my boyfriend five months ago, we both agreed to have fun and see how it goes. i felt though that in the beginning he was unwilling to commit. he is extremely kind to me very thoughtful and very helpful. he never however told me he loved me. i didnt mind cos he treated me exceptionally well, however strangely enough i sensed that he resented me in a way, he always held back on complimenting me and in very subtle ways always pointed out the negative rather than the positive things in me. i am a very confident person as it is and i always challenged him.about a month ago i really honestly pushed him away i wasnt in love with him and i just didnt see a future with him. i told him we need to spend some time apart. he begged for us to keep on keeping on, i said ok but it wasnt the same. amazingly however it was as though a veil had been taking off my eyes, out of the blue i wanted him more than ever. that very week for the first time he told me how much he loved me so much... the things he said were very strange to me cos he always stopped short of telling me these things. anyway that weekend i called him and lo and behold a lady picked up. to cut a long story short he told me it was his girlfriend who lives in the states, shes visiting and he's very sorry for not letting me know, that he loves me he wants us to be together and once this girlfriend leaves that will be the end of their relationship. he said she'll leave in six weeks time, i told him if you love me let her go 'cos as far as i'm concerned its unacceptable, on the other hand we could take a break whilst he sorts himself out then we start dating. he begged me apologised, professed his love to me and told me to be patient and just wait till her time is up. it was hard for me because strangely i started having this intense feelings for him that i did not have before. although he told me he didnt want her there and didnt love her, i wasnt at peace, he said hes told her about me and has asked her to leave but she's being difficult. i thought i will play a trick on him, i told him i'm going there to confront the lady. his response was amazing-he said i dont want you to go there or do anything for me dont do anything to damage our relationship stay off my property. must say i wasnt surprised, but extremely dissapointed. told him i know his true feelings now, we should just end it, once again he told me he needed time to sort things out that he loved me, that i'm making everything very difficult. i've moved on i think. he still calls me everyday although now hes not able to talk about love he calls to say hello etc. all he said was he hopes nothing has changed that he needs time. i know better but i cant help feeling slightly confused at times as to his true feelings please help what do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2007): If all you are getting for your efforts in this relationship is conflict and delayed dating tactics (he doesn't really love her, just be patient) he is wanting to stay detached and he is not being entirely honest with you.
He wants to stay single. I think you should give him what he wants and dump him, and if he loves you and wants you he will look you up, and if he doesn't you need to move on and never look back as was said earlier by Daniel.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2007): I recognize this post from an earlier one, did you not like what you heard from the previous aunts? I think you know what you need to do here.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (6 October 2007):
 In short, sweetie, I think you'd waste your time if you kept seeing this guy. He lied to his girlfriend and you. He doesn't really want a relationship with any of you.
Go away and don't even look back.
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A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (6 October 2007):
 If he was truly serious about you he would have told you everything from the start and he would not have let this other stay with him when you were supposed to be his one and only.
By doing what he did and acting the way he did damaged your relationship with him. How could you every trust him again? Doc
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A
female
reader, clatty +, writes (6 October 2007):
Hi, I think you should bide your time. He does like you a lot if he calls you everyday maybe I think he is in love with you, but it sounds as if he is afraid to hurt his girlfriend. But I doubt that he has told her about you so this tells me that he is also a liar. I would confront her before she returns to the states, he may be telling her lies also.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (6 October 2007):
 There are several problems with this relationship. A red flag appeared in the beginning when he criticized you and only pointed out your negatives. It seems his interest perked up when you tried to give him the boot. With his renewed interest you "fell for him" because he was the man you wanted him to be. The final straw for you should be that this man lied, a big lie, about his girlfriend. You can not make an excuse for him for this offense. Even if he "loves" you, this is not the kind of love you deserve. Think about the long term, will you ever be able to truly trust him. I don't think I could. I would not want to spend my life worrying about whether or not my man was being faithful. This man is having his cake and eating it too. You were wise to move on. Don't let him sneak back into your heart.
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