A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in love with a man who is currently engaged, and i know he feels the same way about me... We have been working together for 8 months and ever since we met we have had a really strong connection.He has been with his fiance for 7 years now and he has never cheated on her or thought of hurting her until we met. We started off as good friends but as time went on we became attracted to one another and now we dont know where to stop. We have not had sex but we have been very close for the last 4 months. He calls all the time, we have been away together, he takes me to lunch 3-4 times a week (and pays for it) we have had numerous conversations about his relationship and how he has to go ahead with the marriage because they have been together too long not to. He tells me he is torn and does not know what to do... We have tried to ignore the situation and stop talking to each other but we always seem to become close again!They are getting married next year... i love him and he tells me he loves me. But what do i do? Please help...
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2007): When a man loves a woman, you'd be amazed at what sacrifices he'll make to begin a life with her. Dear, it sounds like he loves you as a 'close, good friend'. People connect to varying degrees and love has many levels and I don't think he's at the same level of love that you are. Now, look athis actions and behaviours andstop listening to what he is saying. He's still with her! If he was 'crazy in love with you---the fiancee would be gone and you'd be in...just like that. Believe me, you'd be amazed at what men would do for the woman they love. Instead he claims he doesn't want to hurt her. Why? Because he's committed to her and it's very likely he will marry her. Plain and simple. Get out of this before you get really, really hurt. And go find a great guy who is available (no other parner,s gf's or fiancees) and can give you all his love and committment to just 'you'. You do deserve that.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2007): i am in the same position as you but i do not work with him but we did not have sex either but it is hard when you love some one but you can't be with them because they are with their gf!... well i was even with him on there aniversary he droped her off then picked me up and he tells me that he love me !.. so just go on fight for him !!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2007): The other thing that bothers me about your situation is that if he was really a loving committed partner, he would not be doing this with you, he would not have allowed his feelings to develop for you in the first place.
Having him unavailable to you, makes you more strongly attracted. People often want what they cannot have. It is probably an ego boost as well that you could steal him away from another woman as if that means your love is more "real" than theirs is.
What I see is a man who cannot commit and does not know how to end a relationship that may have run it's course and therefore is looking for an excuse to get out. You just happen to be the target. You have only known him for 4 months in a setting where you work together only, you cannot be sure that you love him or that he loves you.
He tells his fiance that he loves her, right? If you want to know how he really feels, then remove yourself from this relationship. He can't have you both. He needs to decide and the longer you allow him to play with your emotions, the longer he will do just that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2007): If they are getting married NEXT year, anything can happen...so you may just continue being a friend only...if you cheat with him he will lose respect for you even if he says he wants too.
Think of it this way, if you were engaged, would you cheat behind his back? If he cheats with you, he could do that to you with someone else down the road.
7 Years is a long time to be with someone before marriage, he may have committment issues and just be looking for a way out of this marriage...I would proceed with caution here, as he will be rebounding like crazy if he calls this off, so you want to protect yourself and don't do anything hasty.
If you are enjoying his friendship then so be it, but I would tell him you don't feel it is right to hide your relationship from his fiance, and see what he has to say to that....or does she know about you being his co-worker and friend?
The other problem with this relationship turning into a romance is that you work together. If it does not work out then you will still have to see each other afterwards every day at work...will you be OK with that and having everyone at work go through this mess with the two of you?
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