A
female
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*una~
writes:My boyfriend has a seven years old daughter with his ex-wife. They have been separated for 4 years. He gets to see his daughter every second weekend, who stays over at his parent’s home. Sometimes during the week, he will bring her to the park or something fun. To me, I don’t think he spends that much time with his daughter. Yesterday night, my boyfriend confesses to me he feels that he is not a good father. His little girl is a very smart and bright kid. But he doesn’t feel excited/happy to see her first report card, or see her first dance performance on stage. If he misses part of her growing stage, he wouldn’t feel anything about it. He loves her dearly and wants the best for her. But he just don’t feel like other father, exciting to see their child grow up. I don’t know what to say to him. He did become a father at a very young age and it was unexpected. He is a very responsible guy. His marriage ended because his ex-wife cheated on him. I feel sad when I see him not being able to figure out why he doesn’t have the feeling he should as a father. Can anyone suggest what I can do/say?
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female
reader, Patient1  +, writes (4 April 2007):
 My suggestion would be to encourage him to do more things with her. Maybe if you become more involved he will follow your lead. Offer to take his daughter out for the day and do fun stuff together. Find something that all of you enjoy doing and encourage him to do it. Either she will resent him later in life for him not being active in her life or he will resent himself when she gets older and he realizes that she doesn't want or need to spend time with him. Does he have resentment toward his ex? I've seen situations where the child suffers from lack of attention because one or both of the parents may have resentment toward eachother and choose not to deal with the child as a way to not deal with their past. He needs to realize what it is that's holding him back. If it's fear or sorrow or lack of interest or whatever it may be. He needs to find the problem within himself so he can fix it. If he wants a relationship with his daughter then he needs to make an effort and put his feelings aside for the sake of his daughter because she's the one who will suffer in the end.
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male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (4 April 2007):
 I'm a divorced father with a 7 year old son, so I think I can relate. In my world, my son is #1. I brought him into to this world and I make sure he knows that I love him and that I'll always be there for him.
Since I work out of my home, I can spend more time with him than his mother who has a 9 to 5 job. I have him about 80% of the time and we do a lot together. His mother has missed a lot of his growing up already. My ex-wife is so self-centered, she doesn't even realize that her son is growing up without her.
I don't know if there's anything you can say to make your boyfriend feel excited about his daughter. In my opinion, he will grow to regret being distant. There's nothing like having a close relationship with your child. I enjoy every minute of it.
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