A
female
age
51-59,
*222cute
writes:I just started dating this wonderful, smart, attractive man about a month ago, we have had sex in the beginning and very passionate people, he is amazing, and he has cum with me before both orally and intercourse but the last two weeks he can get hard but cant stay hard he claims he is nervous, and he keeps saying he is completely turned on by me this has never happened to me before, i am very sexual and passionate, he says the best he has ever had he is forty two and i 39 and i dont know his past sexual history, but is it me? or what can i do i need educated in this area i dont want to lose him he truly is amazing please help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, k222cute +, writes (4 January 2008):
k222cute is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am updating on the great advice about performance anxiety, its now we have been together for three months, our sex life is outstanding, we are so open and we have exchanged I love u's and what a level i can be myself and ask for whatever I want and he gives it to me as i do the same, just by being patient and not making him feel uncomfortable about our beginning situation. and now i am the luckiest women in the world.
A
female
reader, k222cute +, writes (7 November 2007):
k222cute is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank u anomoyous never knew of a thing called performance anxiety, but now that u say that and judging of the type of man he is he fits him. he is just so caring, not a selfish bone in his body, and he does say i blow him away. thank u for that insight
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007): Well there is a thing called performance anxiety, when a partners expectations. What happens is that the man gets an erection, but when things start hotting up, they worry that they are going to climax before satisfying their partner, so they then lose it. You could try taking things a little slower, and lowering the tone, when you think he' getting close, and see if this helps. Alternatively, you may need to practice non-sexual contact for a while (i.e. kissing and cuddling- but no touching You could then move on to me first type sex. You could get him to bring you to orgasm before he's had a chance to hot up (by masturbation, or oral sex). Seeing you climax will probably turn him on quite a bit, and having satisfied you, he will be able to relax, while you pleasure him. Hope this helps
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007): Well there is a thing called performance anxiety, when a partner has/is thought to have expectations. What happens is that the man gets an erection, but when things start hotting up, they worry that they are going to climax before satisfying their partner, so they then lose it. You could try taking things a little slower, and lowering the tone, when you think he' getting close, and see if this helps. Alternatively, you may need to practice non-sexual contact for a while (i.e. kissing and cuddling- but no touching You could then move on to me first type sex. You could get him to bring you to orgasm before he's had a chance to hot up (by masturbation, or oral sex). Seeing you climax will probably turn him on quite a bit, and having satisfied you, he will be able to relax, while you pleasure him. Hope this helps
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A
female
reader, k222cute +, writes (6 November 2007):
k222cute is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to peoriman, water loo sunset, and mistify, all three of you made me feel better, about my current situation you each gave me a bit of advice that helped me to have a better understanding.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): I think that it probably started off really fantastic and he is worried that he cannot keep it going and now the nerves have kicked in and spoilt it all. The male body can be very complex and complicated. The brain can send one message and yet the penis can translate it and sometimes get it mixed up. Hence, it cannot keep the erection or he may not be able to cum. Just love and understanding and everything will return to normal in time. Dont let him worry about it. Cuddle, hug, kiss and caress him all over. let him do the same to you. Everything will be ok, just dont go on about it.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, Mistify  +, writes (2 November 2007):
 Maybe you should trust him when he says he is just nervous. Maybe he is thinking of how serious this is getting, and that makes him nervous. Maybe he is stressing at work?
It can be a whole number of things. The fact that he goes hard in the first place does mean you are a turn-on for him.
Maybe you need to try and keep his mind with you throughout.
Don't give him time for his mind to wander off and think of work or something else.
If this issue persists, perhaps talk to him again, and if he still insists that it is not you, then go see a doctor with him - but be supportive.
Good luck
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