A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Im getting married in August to a wonderful man. We are so happy, both widowed, both 52. Our life together is absolute bliss, except that he will look at young girls when we are out. He has always appreciated women, I know he wouldn't cheat on me, and we have discussed how bad this makes me feel, but he said he just 'does it without realising'. At these times, I go from total love to near hate. I loathe him for making me feel so bad. He always says he will never do it again (but does). The thing that really hurts is he might say he wont do it, but he still needs to. Why? what is wrong with some men. Not all do it, I know that. If only they realised they just look like dirty old men, the young girls think ugh, we are humiliated and it causes so much upset. I feel awful for ages afterwards. I dont want to go to the lengths of doing the same to him, because it is not only pathetic, but I dont need to do this at my age. How can I get over this problem? p.s. I am not jealous of younger women, look good for my age, and have good self esteem.
View related questions:
jealous, self esteem Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2009): Ha I am 25 married and my husband, he did this evening (others have said I am beautiful I am not over weight either I am not bragging) but it is so devastating to myself. I feel betrayed and am so hurt. I have read it is a "natural thing to do" I have never checked out men after I got married I don not have a desire too. I know about how you are feeling I guess it is a man thing I am searching for my answers here also good luck!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy last post, thanks for all your replies, we had a long chat, he admitted he is frightened of getting older and looking at other women makes him feel like hes still got it. Oh dear how sad men are at times, I actually ended up feeling sorry for him. I dont know if i want to marry a man who still wishes he was a teenager though, im happy with my age and wish he could feel the same, but he obviously has a problem with himself. Thanks again
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all these answers, the one from the anon attractive woman, well I know what you mean exactly. I didnt want to write that about myself, but this is what I am considered and it is the fact that he looks at 'anything' with a bit of blonde hair. I cant be bothered with it anymore. he wil be lucky if i stay. I get many men checking me out, but im disgusted when they are with their wives. He can get on with it. Im out of here.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): Why you think young girls of this age find old men checking them out as dirty old men? I am a young girl. I find older men more attractive than younger men and I am very flattered when an older guy checks me out. You have no idea how many young girls like that. It must be the generation gap. Not all young girls are gold diggers. Many young girls truly like that invisible "something" we find in older men. So if that is what bothering you, you can put your mind at ease. If it is just his need to look at other women bothering you, well.. you have to come to terms with what is a normal part of being a human.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): This man is not likely to change. This man enojys looking at beautiful woman, and who wouldn't? I am not a lesbian, or bisexual, but I can appreciate the beauty in women. In fact, I'll even make comments to my DH when we see one. I might say, "Wow, did you see her hair, or legs, or breasts?" I don't see the big deal in all of this. It's not like he's whistling at them and making obscene gestures. He's just looking. I would not make this into a big deal because he's not going to change, and he'll only get annoyed when you bring it up. You say you have no self-esteem problems and you're not jealous, but get real with yourself- this is exactly what's causing the problem. If I were you, I would start making comments when he looks, such as, "...she is very pretty...she has great legs, hair, etc.". I bet he turns around and compliments YOU and he'll appreciate your heightened level of self-esteem by engaging in this conversation.I posted this anonymously because I don't want to sound conceited when I say this, but I am a very attractive woman. I know, it sounds horrible to hear people say that about themselves, but I need to say that in order to make my point. I gets looks all.the.time from young men, from old men and anywhere in between. Most men ARE lookers. Some may hide it better than others, but most all men do look when an attractive woman walks by. It's not like the men are running up to me, shoving their numbers in my pockets. I just can't see the foul.Women look, too, but I feel that it takes an EXTREMELY attractive man to make our heads turn. I think our standards for looks are higher, when it comes to us recognizing and appreciating beauty on the streets. It's funny because I don't think our standards for looks are higher when we choose a mate. But when we're admiring beauty, I'd say we're pretty picky about men.Anyway, I disgress.I hope you can learn to accept him for who he is, and perhaps, even paticipate by adding comments. Just try it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply,the reason it hurts so much is because I try so hard in everything I do for him, I look a good 15 years younger than him, dress well, give him more sex than he has ever had in his life (his words)and the best hes had. He is forever complimenting me, and is very insecure about himself and other men fancying me. I think all this at our age is totally ridiculous and thats why it bothers me so much, because as we have all these things going for us, why does he spoil it occasionally for no reason. He worries that I want a younger man sometimes, yet I only have eyes for him. I know he loves and adores me, but when he glances at another women, its not jealousy I promise you that I feel, its anger that I bother to try so hard. What is the point.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (9 March 2009):
 Well you say here you are not jealous of these younger women, so what is it that actually makes you so upset about it?
Is it because he feels the need to look at someone other than you i.e. do you feel you are not enough for him?
Is it because you have been cheated on before? You mention you go from love to hate when he does this, so clearly there is a strong emotion this brings out. But what you dont mention in your question is why it makes you feel so bad? Why do you have such a strong reaction to this behaviour?
Without knowing the answer to those questions I cant really offer much advice. What I can say is that you will need to make a decision before you marry him - can you put up with this behaviour or does it hurt you that much that it will affect your relationship?
Men like to look at women, it is just natural. Some women like to look at younger men (look at Madonna with her latest boyfriend who is 22!). In your case I dont think your partner will ever change, it is just something you will have to live with or leave him because of it.
If you cannot be happy that he is with you and ignore the looking at other women then this problem will always exist between you and it might end up driving a wedge between the two of you. You need to work out why it hurts you so badly and then make your decision from there.
I hope this helps!
...............................
|
