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He looked at porn that involved a female friend of his, and now I feel cheated on. What do I do

Tagged as: Cheating, Pornography<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 August 2011) 3 Answers - (Newest, 21 August 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have posted this question allready, but it didn't get many responces so I'm posting it again hoping that it will this time, I'm really in need of more advice...

I am distraught, I've never been comfortable with porn watching in a relationship, but I've come to accept that the women that my boyfriend has looked at in the past are women he doesn't know, and would never meet in his lifetime. So I managed to not feel too bad about that, and let things go.

Yesterday, me and my boyfriend were out, and we were at a pub with his friends. They were talking about a friend of theres that I do not know. My boyfriend then told me he'd just heard that this friend of his was dating a very famous celebrity (I won't name because I don't want to reveal any people here) I asked who she was and if I'd ever met her before, and he said no. He told me she was a model and had moved to London a year ago.

They were talking of this model friend for a while. Later that night, I went home, and I was on facebook. You know the way facebook recomends you to check out pages of 'people you may know' like suggesting friends sort of thing.. Well I noticed the girls name, the name of the model friend they'd been talking about, so I clikcked on her page. I recognized her, assuming I just recognised her from the fact that she was a model and I'd probably seen her in fashion magazines or something.

It was only a few minites later that I twigged onto where I recognized her from, and my heart raced. I remember a while ago I saw a pornographic film in his bedroom, and at the time, I was having a lot of trouble dealing with his porn use. I popped it on out of curiosity when he wasn't there and tried to see if I could get into it, so then maybe I could try watching stuff with him. After a while of it, I couldn't get into it, I felt more uncomfortable than aroused watching it so I switched it off.

This film had this so called 'model' friend of his in it. I googled her, and saw that she's been in several films, and all of the films she'd been in have been of a pornagraphic nature, and some of them actually porn. I felt sick to the stomach and feel somewhat cheated on. I feel it's one thing to watch porn, but it's majorly crossing the line to watch a porn movie that features your friend, someone you know and see, naked and masterbating and performing oral sex in a film.

I don't know how to bring this up with him, I've been crying and disstressed for the whole day just thinking of it. I'm so angry at him, he obviously has no idea that I know his model friend is infact a pornstar, and I'm disgusted that he'd do this and keep this from me. What do I do? I have no idea what to say to him about it and I feel too upset to even see him. Has anyone else ever been in a similar position? Any advice would be apreciated, thanks in advance.

View related questions: facebook, oral sex, porn

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you for the responce, but my boyfriend is 35 not 14, so I don't expect that kind of behaviour, it's not cool to know a high class prostitute. I do not like porn, but I accept that others do and that's fine, if your a female that is fine with it in a relationship there's no problem there.. My problem is that I feel it's seriously crossing the line, w*nking over someone you don't know and will never ever meet I eventually came to feel not so bad about. But to wank over a friend? I really don't know many women that would honestly be okay with that. And it's got me on the verge of breaking up with him.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011):

I can't really relate to your disgust with porn in general but I kinda understand your issue with the ones featuring a chick he actually knows. But I think if you confront him about this, try to approach the topic calmly. Because really, it hasn't changed anything. These guys just think knowing this woman makes them cooler but no matter what, she has sleeps with men for a living. She's not some they'll marry

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2011):

You really neeeeed to talk to him,if it bothers you this much and you have enough reasons to, you really need to tell him how your feeling, make him pick between you and his porn. Tell him how you can make sex better so he wont need to watch it.

Good luck :)

And if he continues just move on ..

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