A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I am really confused about this friendship I have with this guy and hope you can help me. We are both Latino, but he's 21 and I'm 23 and he's an illegal citizen. We go to the same church, but he only speaks spanish while I predominantly speak english and understand spanish but don't speak it very well as I'm not fluent. He is really into me, but I don't have the same feelings for him. He works in landscaping and is redoning our whole front lawn and doing all this hard work. I tell him communication is the key to every relationship, but he doesn't think our not speaking the same language is a problem. he keeps calling me everyday and asking if I wnat to be his girlfriend all the time. I've told him to stop and he did for about a week and started up again. I really don't know what to make of him because I am put off by his persistence to be with me almost obsessively and he fact he may be looking for a green card? That I really don't know for sure and I don't wnat to think badly of him because he is a good person, but he literally doesn't understand that any relationship takes time to develop and I feel he's rushing me and is turning me completely off, I've told him many times about this, but he doesn't seem to understand.Any advice? (sorry it's so long) Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (2 May 2008):
 The Sister has a point, too. He wants it his way. That's not right among us, either; your family must know this very well. And so does he.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 May 2008):
 Can you just simply tell him 'no, I don't want to be your girlfriend.' Period, end of it? And then tell him that you are very sad and uncomfortable about the lack of respect he is showing you? This sounds like he doesn't really understand you, I don't know if it is about a green card or not, but he is pushing you in a way that is making you uncomfortable.
Can you talk with your parents about this, or are you trying to keep him from being fired? Maybe you need to get a friend who does speak Spanish speak to him?
I'm sorry, I don't have much better advice than this...
All the best.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (2 May 2008):
Well, you will get your answer from another Hispanic, but one who has always lived outside of the United States.
I think I must divide my answer in parts.
As you say, you can't know whether he is looking for a green card. Maybe. I understand he would have to marry you in order to get one. And it is very clear that he would have a big advantage in staying. He didn't travel that far because he had many opportunities at home, and he doesn't have that many in the United States, either, so the "incentive" to have some mechanism to avoid deportation is very strong. He may be looking for a green card, but there's no proof of that.
Communication is indeed key to a relationship, whatever it is, and sometimes language does present problems. However, I think that is not the problem here. He just doesn't want to give up. I'm sure he got the message that you don't want him a long time ago. Why he keeps insisting, that is anybody's guess. It can be harassment, his hurt ego that HAS to have you so he will have "won", the green card, whatever.
In our world, insisting day after day when you've been told to stop isn't called "love".
Why don't you get your parents involved? I'm sure they speak Spanish. I'm sure this guy will understand them very well. But I'm positive he already got the message.
If you don't want your parents involved, send me a private message and I will write whatever you want in Spanish. Right?
Take care
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