A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'd split up with my boyfriend when he was at uni cos all he was interested in doing was getting drunk and treating me 2nd best. We got back 10 months ago after he finished uni and he said he'd changed but after 3/4 months of being good i find he is slipping back into a daily drinking habit after work. I'm scared he proposes soon as i really don't want to marry him with this issue but if it weren't there id happily marry him. He reckons he doesn't have a problem but drinks mayb 2/3 cans every evening which i feel is too much. And if we go on holidays its a binge drink session every evening. Does anyone think there is a problem and what can i do - he doesn't feel there is a problem - he only drinks more than 3 on weekends.Advice appreciated x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Uncle Trev +, writes (5 August 2007):
Sounds to me as if this guy is an alcaholic.
Alcaholics need alcahol and by the sound of it your fellow is in this position at the moment. The fact that he is creeping the drink in via the back door - that he does it descreetly after work and then drinks every evening at home too.
He needs to get to the position of not needing a drink and have been there in this position for some time if there is any hope for a time in his life when the drink doesn't come first.
Until he can do this and do it most successfully for himself you are never going to be any better in his life than someone who plays second fiddle to the grip of the alcahol.
A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (4 August 2007):
 Yu need to sit down with him and chat about his drinking. There is nothing you can do to help him until he see's he has a problem. I used to drink a lot in my late teens and didn't see it as a problem until somebody pointed out what it would be doing to my body.
I cant say whether 2/3 cans an evening is too much as I dont know how much alcohol etc your guy can tolerate. My dad drinks 2-4 cans a night, which on a health level concerns me a little but he says at the age of 50 he should be allowed to drink when he wants.
The holiday binge drinking is typical holiday activity. I used to do it but I have "grown up" in the last few years and wont go away with anybody that does it now.
You need to talk to your guy and tell him that this is an issue for you and if you cant come to a compromise then there isn't a future in your relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007): No woman deserves to be treated second best by their partner to drink! One thing I noticed when reading your question was that, if maybe one time, if he got too drunk he might hit you. Because alcohol can be a very dangerous thing. Try helping him to get past this drinking thing, because it is not healthy and it isn't helping him or you. If he appriciates you than he will continue to try and give up the excessive drinking. If it continues to be a problem, and he isn't trying to cut down, tell him when he is sober that you want to leave him, or whatever you feel will be best in your situation. When you said about the marrying part, tell him that you would be so much happier if he cut down on the drink. I hope things work out for you!
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