A
female
age
36-40,
*owTheNymph
writes:Ok, so I'm all about being freaky, but lately what my man has been getting off to kinda hurts emotionally. He likes when I do things to him while he watchs porne; but the part that bugs me is that he doesn't want me seeing what he looks up. He plugs in headphones and goes off in his own world. He knows I won't judge him with what he watches in fact it would help me enjoy it a bit. Don't really have a spacific question to ask so just throw at me what comes to your mind!
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): If we subtract the porn talk from this conversation for a moment, it still sounds like he is uncomfortable telling you what he gets off to. I get the feeling that this bothers you as much as anything else. I agree that you need to talk to him about it. Maybe he's into something that he fears will shock the hell out of you. Or maybe he's into girls that don't look enough like you and he thinks you'll feel inadequate. Or maybe he's just embarrassed about what gets him going for some other reason. Whatever it is, try to get the point across that you're not so much pissed about him watching porn but you are feeling left out because of the way he is going about it. I think that is what I am really hearing from you in your question. A ton of porn still may not be good for him though. Internet porn is definitely something to do in moderation. It can really become a compulsion if he does too much of it. It gets to where he can't get off any other way and that's bad news.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): He is probably watching a lot of porn without you also so he is losing the ability to enjoy real sex with a real woman. Even though you are not opposed to him watching what he wants,if what he is doing is begining to affect you, then it is time to put your foot down. It is just as important to most men that they are able to satisfy their partner and it is usually a blow to their pride if they are unsuccessful in doing this. The great thing about porn, for some men, is that it is all about satisfying them. They do not have to do any work or make any efforts to satisfy the porn star that they are watching and they do not have to feel guilty about being with 20 or maybe even 100's different women every night of the week and still consider it not cheating. Again, if you are ok with this then you may have thought that there would never be a problem, but it sounds as though he is developing a porn addiction that is going to become a huge problem for you, him and your relationship. As with any addiction he is losing touch with reality and emotions. Also, as with any addiction, if you do not address it right away, he will then begin to deny it or try to justify it by making you the problem rather then giving it up. This is when the real emotional damage on you will occur. Take care of this now, tell him how he is making you feel and if that alone does not do the trick, ask him to get counceling with you so that you both can figure this out and come to a compromise that makes you both feel good about sex. If he is not willing to do this, leave him. He does not respect you or your feelings and he will only get worst. Leaving him may be the only way to "wake him up."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): if my bf was like that with me...
id dump him.
but he isnt at all- in fact he hates porn and all he enjoys is me:D and thats the way i like it.
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