A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 26 year old woman who is in a relationship for the last 9 years and we have two kids and a house together.For the last two years our sex life has gone down the drain. He claims this is because he has no sex drive because he was on tablets for depression (since come off tablets and nothing happening). I have tried everything but he wont come near me and when I do I feel like I am making him do it.It is killing me inside, the insecurtiy and paronia are devasting.I know that I am attractive and I could find somebody else very quickly, but it is not about that. I was brought up to be independent and to have respect, honesty and loyalty for myself. I do not need somebody to love me to know that I am a good person.He has always lied about little things but now I seem to be catching him out on major issues, drug taking, emailing other women whom he met on the Intenet.If this was a friend of mine I would tell her to get out or if it was in a book I would be thinking "What a fool". However in the situation it is harder to make what you think is the right decision.Should I try and start a new life on my own with my children or should I stay?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): Just to clear up some of the above queries. My partner has been depressed almost since the day I met him (I was unaware for the first couple of years). I understand depression as much as somebody who does not suffer from it can. Reasons for depression vary and there is no quick fix cure.Living with somebody who is depressed in near impossible to put into words but to put it basically the two issues I have now are that we have no sex and I dont trust him. These may be side effects of depression or they may be seperate problems entirely unrelated.To reply to Gina above I am not sure how often he takes drugs but I am nearly sure that it is fairly infrequent. This would I imagine have an impact on someones sex drive nonetheless. Regarding the women on the internet-they met on a common forum and when I first found out I didnt like it one bit. A couple of weeks ago I found out that they had met up and that he had invited them over again. He said he was sorry and didnt think and was only trying to be nice.By the way I did find a womans top in my house after I had been away for the night (He told me it was his mothers-doubtful as it was a boob tube and the wrong size) He tells lies to everyone not just me and I dont know if it is self-esteem or if he actually believes it but now at a time when I need to hear the truth I dont know what to believe.We have talked and talked but thats it-no action. I believe that I have tried different things to get it moving again but it is frustating when you hit a blank wall continually. He does try just not that hard and only when I am at the end of my tether.Should I stay with somebody when their problems are giving me problems?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): He claims this is because he has no sex drive because he was on tablets for depression (since come off tablets and nothing happening)
If he's been given anti-depressant tablets, then yes it will badly mess up his sex life. When people have depression their sex drive goes down. One of the side effects of the medication is to also mess about with people's wish for sex, so it's not a claim, it's actually very true. Depression is a very soul destroying illness, and you should read more about it, because it destroys intimacy and social relationships terribly.
"He has always lied about little things but now I seem to be catching him out on major issues, drug taking, emailing other women whom he met on the Intenet."
If he has depression this may explain the drug taking, because many people with depression use drugs and alcohol to take away the pain and the feelings of numbness and the guilt of wreck they have made of their lives, through no fault of their own, but through something that medical doctors as an illness/disease...
Dosen't explain the email to ladies though. Could they be supporting him to get better, maybe they have knowledge and experience of depression and are helping him get through this? Could that be the case...
I know your angry, but as my mother always says "nobody asks to get sick", your partner is suffering too, he's the one with the depression condition...
Depression destroys relationships.. please research the condition and maybe this will help you to see more clearly what is going on. Being distant from your partner, and given up sex is only one of the things it takes away from your life. Try to spend time away from him doing things that you like. Depression is catching, and as you say his lack of sexual desire is starting to make you feel bad as well.
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/depressrelation.htm
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