A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello i was looking for advice on trust. recently my boyfriend lied to me and now the trust has gone out of our relationship. can anyone give us any ideas on how to rebuild this as we both want to continue the relationship please help Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2007): Trust is built over a long period of time and your bf has to put into huge hard working efforts to gain it back. It will be long term and it will take commitment, on his part. All I can say, is this lie must have been a doozy if the trust has flown out the window so quickly. But I’m sure he must have some other wonderful qualities or you wouldn’t be trying or even considering to get this relationship back on track. So both of you have to really talk and communicate as honestly and openly as possible. Make that a huge boundary and rule in this relationship. You both need to be vigilant and understanding. Because if you can't do this, just know that a relationship without trust can’t move forward. I wish you both well.
A
male
reader, Dr. John  +, writes (24 March 2007):
 Trust is earned and just one lie can destroy it all.
I am reminded of a story I heard once that describes it so well.
There was a boy who had a habit of telling lies. One day his father became fed up with all his lies so he told him; Son, for each time you lie to me I am going to drive a nail into this barn wall. Then when you can start telling me the truth, I will start removing a nail for each truth you tell me. Eventually all the nails he had caused to be driven into that barn wall were removed and he was so proud. But one day an incident happened which raised some doubt as to what the boy was saying. He asked his father; You know I have been telling you the truth now because all the nails you drove into the barn wall for each time I lied are now all gone. So after all this time with me consistently telling you the truth why do you not believe me? His father simply said; The nail holes are still there.
So it will take a long time to build that trust up again, but there may always be some measure of doubt after this. Hope this helps. Doc.
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A
female
reader, travelgal +, writes (24 March 2007):
 What did he lie about? Lying about anything is bad, however, saying he lied about something (he has six toes or he didn't break it off with someone- two completely different things with different levels of seriousness) is vague.
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