A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:hello.i just broke it off with my bf. we were dating for quite sometime now and few days ago i found out he is married with three children and all the things he told me about himself were all lies at least his name was real, when i asked him he denied everything and claims that they broke up a year ago she refuses to move out from his house while the truth is the house is hers and even the car he drives belongs to her. he didnt even apologise to me about all this lies and i gez this is where my pain is coming from and i really dont know how to cope with all this. i gez all i wanted was to hear his confession after telling him i know he had been lying to me, maybe i was gonna feel better because even though i didnt fell for everything he said funny enough i did feel something for him and i hoped for things to work out as my past relationships were also not so good.now it really hurts as i dont know why i keep on falling for the wrong men, what is it that i must do to notice if a guy is for real? because right now i feel so empty and loosing hope of ever finding someone who can honestly love me in return. any advice? please help
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female
reader, beentheredonethat +, writes (8 December 2006):
 Well I am not a boy but believe me....I know all about the lying cheating bunch of us.
Men cheat because they can. Men lie because talking is really easy...and it gets you in the sack and if you really don't start to care about the chick....what can she do to you? She said yes....buyer beware.
and girls...he's thinking. "Yep...your right I am a jerk...booo hooo....grow up....you liked it too and NEEEEXT!"
Men can be terribly charming....but they can also be very brutal....and they can be both at the same time. Girls don't get that. Girls love and want forever and most men are not wired for it.....so they sneak around....and they are selfish and they hurt others....to get what they want.
Now if they could not do that....there would be no war....wait that's not much of a selling point.....But it does make a point that men will be brutal to get what they want right this minute. consequences for other people....just don't figure in when the small brain is leading.
Congratulations and you Are very brave to Break it off.
Keep it that way because the next BS line will be.
"I am going to leave her...because I am so unhappy."
"I wanted to tell you...but I was afraid of loosing you."
"I want us....I want to make a life together...but I have to many obligations now.....you don't have to wait...but I will be heartbroken if you don't"
"I can't stand being without you....I love you....I want to marry you.....and I promise that as soon as I can....I will get a divorce."
Remember the old lines guys used in high-school...."But we can die if we don't.....For guys...it hurts and we can't help it.........But I bought you dinner."
"you won't get pregnant the first time." well they are still using them......they have just gotten a little better.....but DONT fall for them.
Forewarned is Forearmed.
and when you hear them now....they should be as funny as the old story of boys who died of blue balls.
You need to stop looking for True Love and look for friendship. Friendship Is true love. what most people call true love....is chemicals. Friends make the best lovers....Trust me.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (8 December 2006):
 This guy was a jerk. Be happy you found out now. Move on !! It could have been worse. IT doesn't feel that way now but time will heal this wound.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanx guys its amazing how only female readers only responded i just wish some of the males have responded maybe u were gonna enlighten us ladies why some men come up with all this lies even when busted they dont stop.
all your answers really helped lol, the most painful part was that i took a three years break from men after all my failed relationships ending in deceit, i wanted to find out exactly what i was doing wrong and when he came along i took a chance and look where it got me. but anyway after all your success stories i still believe in love.
Tx
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (8 December 2006):
 This guy is not worth your time sister.
By not even apolozing, not being sorry for being hurtful to you, shows what a coward he really is.
We cannot help falling for the wrong guy, it is not your fault and you have done nothing wrong.
Sometimes you need to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your Prince that is all.
Get out there, socialize meet other people and try to move on.
Good Luck! xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2006): You need to spend some time on your own and give men a rest for now.
I'm glad you didn't carry on with this relationship even when you found out, some people do. It is hard to believe what men or women get from lying but they still do it. We think we know the people that we choose to be with and then something like this happens and it really knocks us down. But we get back up and try again and hopefully the next time is better. I know, i've been there before but i did spend quite some time on my own before meeting other blokes. It can be done but right now you are quite raw. Do take care and not all men are like this.
Best wishes
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2006): I know exactly how you feel honey. I'm 20 now but when I was 18 I met a man that was married. He told me he had to kids that lived with his EX wife. We saw each other alot and we'd talk and text all the time so I had no reason to believe he was up to anything. But on August (2005) I got a call from his wife asking why my number was on him phone. And not knowing any better I said it was because I was his girlfriend. Then when she said 'Well I'm him wife so how can you be?' My heart sunk.
I managed to get most of the truth out of him but he wouldn't tell me why he lied about that.
I got over it pretty quick though and now I'm engaged to an absolutely terrific man and very happy.
You will find someone who can love you right. He's nothing. You can do so much better. Just forget about him
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, vina_101 +, writes (8 December 2006):
 Firstly, I am sorry you had to go through this and you didn't deserve to be lied to and hurt in this way.
And as for not finding someone who will truly loves you...You and I both know that that is a load of BS. Of course you will find someone who truly loves you. You just have to hold on. One day you will. I know you will. Love just takes time to come along. And it comes slowly but surely. Good things come to those who wait.
Give your heart time to heal and don't rush into another relationship just yet. Don't let the pain scar you. Remind yourself of all the good qualities you have and all the reasons why you deserve to be loved. Don't let this bad experience discourage you from loving again. "Just because you have a nightmare doesn't mean you stop dreaming."
Take care.
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