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female
,
anonymous
writes: My BF of 7 years insists on continuing his friendship with a female friend even though it makes me extremely angry and hurt. He began this friendship about 3 years ago and I was bothered by it due to the overly inappropropriate flirtatious nature of the female. I told him it bothered me then, and after arguing he said he would no longer talk to her. Last week I found out he has been talking to her and occasionally hanging out (5-6 times yr) for the past 3 years and lying to me about it! I told him how much it bothered me and hurt me, but he insists despite all the flirting there is nothing sexual going on, but rather that she's a nice person whom he shares common interests with. He doesn't seem to have any regard for my feelings and tells me that I am a "control freak". I don't feel I control his life, I just have serious issues with this one girl. He refuses to end his friendship with her and its eating away at me and the relationship. Should I just suck it up and let him continue this friendship? Should we go to counseling together? Any advice is appreciated.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Sami +, writes (16 November 2005):
Your boyfriend may love you but probably gets a real ego boost from this other girls attention. If he cared for you, he would cool it with her knowing that it bothers you but probably will continue on if he thinks he can get away with it. There is a thin line between friends and lovers in male/female relationships. Maybe you should find a nice looking male friend to have lunch with now and then and see how he likes it.
A
female
reader, falloutgrl163 +, writes (16 November 2005):
First of all, BREATHE..Second of all, if there is no trust in a relationship, then it is doomed to fail. Now, this whole friendship he has with this girl seems to be something he does not want to let go of, and seems very important to him. You need to ask him why does he share something so special with this one girl who is only a friend, and at the same time, hurts his own relationship with you of 7 long years? Could he be having feelings for her in the back of his mind because she is like a best friend to him who (in your words) has an "overly inappropriate flirtatious manner"? I think your boyfriend calling you a "control freak" is something that maybe he feels he wants to be free to be friends with whom he may choose (just as long as nothing sexual is involved)and then at the same time, you are angered at this one girl who he also cares for as a friend. You need to schedule a time with him AND this girl, maybe over some lunch, and see how he reacts to the idea of it. If he says such things as "that's a crazy/dumb idea" or "that's not going to do anything" than i believe he may be hiding something, for if he wasn't hiding anything, than he would definitely be up for it to prove to you that she is ONLY a friend. Also, you should have a talk with this other girl and express to her how you feel (not in an angry manner) to tell her how much you do care about your relationship with your boyfriend. If she seems uncaring or not interested in what you have to say, than there might be something she is hiding as well.
But other than that, Trust is the key as what they all say (which i believe is true).
Hope i've helped enough and Good Luck! stay strong.
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