A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello Aunts,I've been so confused about the whole thing in relationship. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend who I met online 8 months ago. We've been in a Long Distance Relationship. He lives a world apart, in The United States while I live thousands miles from him. We've been working on our relationship, spending a little bit to make this work but lately I know that my parents were against this. My boyfriend offered me to move to United States to get a better career and I thought it was a good idea at the first palce. But then I found out that he's been lying to me about his real age. He even sent me someone's else pictures and pretend to be that guy. I found this out and talked to him. He didn't admit it at the first time but I talked to him and asked to be honest. Well later he admitted that he knew when we first met, he knew that I don't want to date a guy above 30 so that's why he's been hiding his real age. So now we're dealing with difficult time in our relationship. He thought, due to the age difference, he started feeling that I'm pushing him away which is not true. I've been so concerned about the possibility of us being together since my aprents and the whole family seemed to be aware of us, everybody in my family said that he's supposed to come here for a visit and get to know me personally, but he told me, it would be easier for us if I just come and move to the states. We've been arguing about this lately and we haven't got a deal yet. We both start feeling that this is not gonna work. But I can't cope with the thoughts of losing him. We had so much fun times together eventhough we didn't do that in person. My friends told me to be strong and get a new boyfriend, but feeling aint something that changed easily. I really don't know what to do now. If you have any advice or anything to say about my situation, I'd really appreciate. Thanks, Agony Aunts!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2010): He lied to you about his age and attributed it to him not wanting you to be turned off by his real age? That excuse in itself sounds made up, too, to be quite honest. Like I said, if he's OK openly lying to you, he'll tell lies about absolutely everything.
By you moving to the US, you'll leave yourself with nothing and nowhere to go if things turn stale between you two.
Tell him you don't think things will work and that you don't foresee yourself being able to live near him any time soon, if at all. You've never met him face-to-face, nor have you seen him directly interact socially, so you really don't know this man. Call it a loss and find someone your own age, in your own city, who you can see, spend time with and know you aren't being lied to about every little thing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear aunt,
I know that it's a sign of red flag but when I asked him why would he do lying to me about his real age, he told me he relly liked me and didn't want me to walk away due to the age different. He's been thinking to tell it on his way actually. But he swore to me that all the things he told me before was all real. Despite the lies I really like him because he's a kind of a guy I can talk about a lot of things and I feel comfort for that. We've exchanged presents and I even talked to his sister few times. He told me so any times that he really wanted to have this relationship with me and have a life together. But now I know that's almost impossible since my parents are against us. What should I do? Should I tell him the situation and break his heart and also mine??
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2010): He doesn't want to come and VISIT you, but he expects you to MOVE to a new country to be with him after he lied to you about his age and what he looks like? That's a definite red flag for you to turn and run the other way.
He lied to you, and when you called him out on it, he made demands of you to move to his country and isn't placing any blame on himself for being dishonest.
If he was OK with being dishonest about who he is, then he'll be OK being dishonest about many other things in his life.
You have to decide if you want to move away from your family, away from people who care about you and can help you, to live with this man who you don't even really know (because what else has he lied about?).
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