A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'll make a long story short. First off, im dealing with long distance. Now, me and my girl have been arguing for a while now, things were going pretty smooth before all these arguments. However, today we hit it off pretty bad. I've come to realize that ive been the one at fault for a lot of these arguments. They made her distance herself from me, and in a rage earlier i told her that she needed to stop distancing herself from me if she wanted me to change for the better(back to how we used to be). I feel like its a pretty selfish thing for me to ask that after everything ive put her through, since she is using it as a defense mechanism to not get hurt while im having these fits. However, the distance makes me assume that shes giving up on me. She tells me she cant help me anymore and that i have to get out of this rut myself. That i have to change in order for things to work out towards the better. Will giving her the time she needs be better for us in the long run? I feel like if i give her too much time she just wont want to be close with me anymore, and thats not what i want either. I've always been terrible at apologies, usually just saying sorry and trying to leave it at that. But i feel absolutely horrible, and i dont know what to say to make her understand that i truly am sorry without making the situation worse.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (15 September 2010):
 What are these arguments, the distance? You have to be able to work out arguments in a LDR, with the only source you have communication. You're not there to have a face-to-face discussion, to hug, or the hot make-up sex. It's over the phone, that's it. I get the impression she is trying to change you, and if you don't she will distance herself more and more from you until you show improvement. However, I could be wrong. There's already enough distance between you two and change doesn't happen over night. It's especially hard in a LDR, and by her distancing herself emotionally shows me she doesn't want to work out this issue at hand. It takes both of you to work out this problem, not just one person fumbling for a solution. Even if the problem maybe solely you, she has to show her effort in making this situation better as well. So I would travel to her if possible, if not then use skype video chat..tell her you're sorry for being so selfish,(without knowing the issue here) you lost sight of what matters to you most which is her, you promise to work on the issues at hand however, however it takes 2 to make a relationship work not just one, and all you need is her support. And send her a nice bouquet of flowers in addition to your sincere apology. Truthfully, if she wants to be with you then she will find it in her heart to forgive you and work this out together.
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