A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have just had a very honest discussion regarding sex, with my boyfriend. He once had a threesome (MMF)although claims it did not involve full blown sex. He was in a long term relationship with another girl at the time (5 years) and claimed he really was in love but they split for a week when this happened - which was with a fellow student. My problem is that he has claimed to me for the last 2 years of our own relationship that he told his girlfriend what happened and they made up but I had had my doubts because his body language told me otherwise but he insisted so I left it. Today he finally admitted he never told her what happened. I am trying not to judge but he admitted they were geographically apart and this got to him however he still loved her very much. I have been geogrpahically apart from my boyfriend for nearly 9 months now due to work relocation and he loves me (he says) and I am now doubting his honesty to me. I have explained this to him. He has also told me today that when we first had sex he never came and yet at the time he made a point of seemingly having an orgasm and said "wow that was real passion". I now feel lied to and patronised. He has not told me the truth on a number of issues some large some small and it has at times felt maniuplative - sometimes to protect our relationship but at other times for his own benefit this has included texts from married women, strange calls and hidden paperwork but nothing has ever been concrete. I am now wondering what else I don't know and its eating me up inside. I have told him of my fears and he says he has not cheated but I don't know if the trust is gone. What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): Yeah it sounds sketchy. In my experience people lie only because they have alot to hide. This guy just seems like a dishonest person so its hard to say that what comes out of his mouth actually is the truth and what is a lie.
This doesn't sound healthy. Dishonest people really mess with your head alot and can make you go mad. I mean its one thing if he tells little white lies, eg. tell you you look beautiful when you look like crap. That's just a sweet lie. But his lying is beyong tolerability. I mean you just can't trust him cause he seems to lie about everything. With him, you will never know what he is up to or what he is really thinking. That's just shady, and sounds like nothing but a headache.
You need to be with somebody who is HONEST, and you know what they are up to, you know where they are coming from. That's HEALTHY and normal. But this? You don't need this in your life. You'll never know what he is really up to cause he will never be honest. That's not fair and not right. I would get out of this relationship soon and just move on.
A
male
reader, OhLawdWhat DoIDo +, writes (25 July 2008):
 Give him this, although he hasnt always been honest with you in the past it does seem hes doing his best to rectify his mistakes and is being brutally honest with you on some points. Has he told you the whole story? Who knows, by the sounds of the strange calls and odd paperwork Id say probably not. Although thats all just a matter of perspective and you may be biased in your perspective because you think he is cheating. The mind has a way of making you see things you wish to see because it suits you better if you know what I mean.
Anyway the relationship seems to be in tatters. You dont trust him for salt and however cheesy and despite the amount of times it is said I shall repeat this metaphor: "A relationship is like a house, they both need strong foundations if it is going to work. For one, you need concrete, for the other, you need trust."
Best of luck finding that concrete! ;)
(ps I actually have no idea what housing foundations are made of and it probably isnt concrete most of the time but whatever, please dont sue me!)
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