A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I feel like i have problems all the time :(.Sorry this is so long, but please read.Well, I love my boyfriend. Some of you may have read my last post about the Birth Control. Well, unfortunatley we have another problem.I love my boyfriend for all his flaws, but there were a few choices that he made that i never agreed with. He smoked weed, not everyday, but the fact that he did it at all bothered me. I would explain to him all the time that he may not think weed was addictive or it would kill him, but it does make people try harder drugs to get a harder and longer high. One particular night i brought it up, and i told him, im not forcing him to stop, but im asking him if he would please stop smoking weed. He promised me, and everything was okay from there. Now i dont know about anyone else, but promises mean alot to me. So i expect you to keep them. Well, he didnt one time. He had smoked week, he never told me about it, and when i asked him about it he lied to me. I was mad for a couple days but i forgave him because yes, i understand people don't think and they make mistakes. But MISTAKES ARE MADE TO BE LEARNED FROM. YOU DONT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE TWICE.I just found out yesterday of another day he smoked weed, which was three weeks ago on Fourth of July. But the way i found out was from a conversation from a friend that he was talking about going on a date with.Can you believe this. He was messaging another girl about going on a date, and he told her the story of how high he was. Not only was i upset about the weed thing, but hes gonna go on a date with someone when he goes out with me? It just shows that i think if he had the opportunity he would cheat on me. Of course we got into an arguement, he said the messages ment nothing and he told me he was "Pimping". No he didnt. And he didnt wanna tell me about the weed because he knew id get mad.Well i wouldnt have to get mad if he would just keep his promise.Im so mad, and im so confused. Hes lied to me twice, and im tired of it. I dont want him to lie to me anymore. But i cant help but love him so much. Im not sure exactly what i should do or say. I hung up on him and he called back but i havent answered. Do i break up with him and suffer another potentional arguement or even a prolonged break up over this? Or do i try to work it out, again.Your wisdom would be appreciated.Thanks in advance. :)
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female
reader, Renee okc +, writes (28 July 2009):
I do understand what you are saying because I am in a similar situation where my boyfriend smokes constantly and it is annoying and I wish he would slow down or stop, but I have realized that I can't make him do anything, he has to do it on his own and he doesn't feel there is anything wrong with it. The way your letter was written it sounded like this is the most important thing to you and I was just saying you can't make him change and he won't until he is ready. I just meant that maybe you are expecting to much from him right now being that is so young and your right a promise is a promise but if you put expectations on a person that they can't live up too, you are only hurting yourself. Let me put it like this you pick your battles some are smaller then others. It sounded like you were more mad about the weed then the girl he was trying to go out with and if you put all you said together, then you shouldn't want to be with him because he isn't willing to make the same commitment that you are right now. This to me seems like a impossible situation because either way you may lose. By your response I can see you don't want to break up with him, but then you want him to do something that he doesn't want to do so how can you both find a happy medium good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIm not trying to change him, i do accept him for who he is. This is the only thing I've ever asked him to stop, I never forced anything. He had the option to tell me no, but he didn't. He CHOSE to promise me to stop, and I think he should live up to that promise. It's not huge, to stop smoking is not asking too much from him. I'm not asking for the moon, im not asking for him to act like me because in my opinion he is more mature than me, and im not asking him to act like an adult. Were almost sixteen, were far from adults. I never said anything about us being together forever, but is it wrong to want the best for someone. I asked for one small thing, i dont think im being dramatic about it. I never said anything about being happy when he does what i say, i don't control him, he has his own freedom. But it's one promise, a promise that was VERY important to me, and it was broken twice. But you seem to not understand that.
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A
female
reader, Renee okc +, writes (24 July 2009):
I would advise you to just break it off, for some reason you are expecting him to act like you do or a adult. He is still a kid and is going through the growing pains. It seems you are only happy when he does what you say or what you expect him to do. He is his own person, Don't get me wrong I'am not saying that he should be smoking weed, but it is not like he is doing it all the time. He doesn't tell you anything because it will turn into a argument at your age you are expecting to much from him and he isn't ready. There is nothing that is saying you two have to be together for ever and it seems like that is what you are expecting. I would be mad about him talking to the other girl, but then again he is doing what boy's do which is trying to be a player. So if you cant except him then you need to leave him alone and stop being so dramatic some people it takes something drastic in there lives for them to change and he hasn't gotten there yet.
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