A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Recently, i got hurt and was feeling cheated about an issue with my bf of 2.5 years. I used to think him as a nice character who respected girls a lot, unfortunately, now i feel i was having wrong impression of him. :( I am really really confused and need your help if this is really the matter of concern or not. I met my bf and his friend(mine too), yesterday and things went against my bf when his friend told me "HIS SECRETS", that he never told me (which definitely hurts :/), in front of him. His friend said that he had a gf in past which my bf agreed to, but my bf never told me about that realtionship, instead he kept on sticking to this point, that it wasnt a relation at all and that, i was his first gf.He lied to me about his past and later, confronted that he was possessive and didnt want me to misunderstand things thats why, it didnt occur necessary for him to tell me. This made me really upset and i got to know that he made stories with his guy friends about his neighbour girl, who went to his home to handover Dvd of some movie, so he said that he had sex with her but it wasnt true. This again shocked me because i thought him as a nice guy and never ever expected him to disrespect some other girl.He cried and begged that his love for me is true, and that he didnt cheat me but i want to break up with him. I hate liers and in my eyes, he has lost that respect that i had for him just because he respected girls. Moreover, he never confronted about his past relationship with that girl and i came to know about his past from his best friend which hurted me the most because he said that i was his only girlfriend ever.I trusted him blindly and am really hurt. I cried whole night as i have already got a cheater in my previous realtionship. It seems to me that every guy is a cheater and there is no one whom i could trust to. :(Please please guys show me some insight over this matter, if it had happened with you, what would you have done.??Will the past of your partner matters to you, if it can disturb your present?Would you give a chance to somebody like my bf who had lied to you?He wants to meet me tomorrow and i have called his past girlfriend but he doesnt know that she would also be coming tomorrow. Am i doing right? because now i dont trust him. it has happened with me already and i am totally heartbroken now. Kindly help me.Thanks for reading it :)
View related questions:
best friend, heartbroken, neighbour Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2012): I don't think bringing an ex back to find out what happened between them is a good idea at all, it's none of your business. Anyone who did that to me would be history as far as I am concerned. If he was currently cheating with me, then fine, but a past relationship no way. The fact is you don't trust him, you believe he lied and your basing your thoughts on how you believe he treated someone else not how he treats you. If you don't trust him then break up with him, but what happens before you come along is none of your business. Sorry but that's what I think. Good Luck.
A
male
reader, dougbcoll  +, writes (12 January 2012):
 yes you can get them both together and get the truth out in the open, that is better than just getting one side. with both the other girl present , and your boy friend if you remain calm you can set back and look at the situation as a whole ( not taking sides). yes your boyfriend lied to you . he either did it for either two reasons. he lied because he loves you and he knows he messed up, or he is just a liar at everything . you need to ask yourself are you ready to pull the plug on this relationship, or is their a place in your heart for him. do you kinda like him, or do you love him.( a simple question)! if you want to stay with your boyfriend i could suggest don't rush things with him over the next few months just watch him while you are dating him. see if he proves him self to be true with you. how he acts in front of you, and other girls. if he is interested in you ( loves you ), or just getting sex. watch his character traits how he treats you, wants to spend time with you, see if he is really interested in you. don't rush things with him. and to your question would you give someone a chance that lied to you , it depends on their motive of why they lied to you. what i mean by that is if they knew they messed up and was afraid of loosing someone they did not want to spend their life without. ( lying to cover something up builds distrust), it is immature of him to have lied to you. if you choose to stay with him you need to see if he lies about anything else. once is a mistake , twice is knowing what you are doing. we all make mistakes in life. we all need forgiveness at someplace in our life.
...............................
A
male
reader, krit +, writes (12 January 2012):
 Hey girl life is not all about a cindrella kinda love story.
You picked up wrong things to learn from your previous relationship. You are now scared to death to get hurt again but dear there is Literally no GAIN without learning to deal with the PAIN.
What the problem here is most girls try to digg into into the past of their bf.
Any sensible guy with some brain would try to avoid that question because
their past haunts them and they are not willing to lose the person they are currently are with. Even if you are in long term commited relationship then also you don't OWN that person, you don't OWN their PAST or FUTURE.
And as you were not with them Back then than claiming such would also be completely wrong. And since to most girls first impression is last impression most guys try to hide their past. Don't know from where this bullshit theory had come from but due to this guys know that you people generally make this so called "image " first and then move forward.
It's not ideally a perfect way to get to know about a person because we as humans have a lot more sides to our personalities than this imaginary picture that you Had already created in your mind. It is lot more complex than it seems. To make this puzzle solve you have learn to live in the present and observe keenly every action of that person. Words can be played with but body language cannot. So to catch a cheater you have to lot more be dependent on this than his words. Learn to be yourself completly and enjoy what you in your present. Worrying about the past or the future too much would only deprive you of having any healthy realtionshp.
And by calling his ex you have finally broken the barrier to bring this realtionship to an end. If he's not in touch with her now then you calling her to show up without his consent is flirting with danger. To make the matters worst it could take him away from you and her both. Be sensible and act a little maturally. Not every guy is a cheat. Down the road you will meet a few, only to learn to How to kick them away and move on and some fantastic people who will adore you for who you are. So in dating the art of rejecting is as important as the art of attracting. Every princess has to kiss a few frogs in order to find their dream guy.
...............................
|
