A
male
age
30-35,
*addybear
writes:Hey guys, need some help,Me and my gf of 3 years recently split up and we stil talk and act like we r stil an item, we chat every day and nite, problem is she has got a bf. But she stops at myn and we have sex, (while she is in a relationship) I love her to bits and wen she here we r like 2 peas ina pod. And we luk at each other like we were ment to b 2gether. Im confused in wat she wants. Please help
View related questions:
split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 January 2012):
 You ask what to do… and say you are so in love with her. So let’s start from there.
Can you make a list of all the things she does and is that you love about her?
Let me get you started
You love that she’s a cheater?
You love that she’s a liar?
You love that she’s got the ability to be unfaithful and put her needs and wants first?
So what ELSE about this person do you love?
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (13 January 2012):
Exes can be a problem when you stay friends. You dont explain why she is an ex but I am not sure if she is as sinister and manipulative as others suggest. The most screwed up situations arise more often by chance. But you are both young and maybe she was just attracted by someone new and different but obviously the other guy isnt really doing it for her as she is still coming back to you. Maybe she kind of loves you both and doesnt know what to do. If you cant wait for her to work it out then you are going to have to do something. If you really love her and want her back, and think long and hard on that, then you have to explain to her that its hurting you too much to carry on. Ultimately she may not realise what she wants until you stop seeing her. BUT and its a big but, if she comes back it may not be the same, trust is damaged and she may carry a load of guilt, you will need to do some serious healing, really commit, get married, etc. I had a similar experience and it eventually ended a couple of years later after a series of mutual cheating, funny though, we remained friends. We occasionally had random sex even though we both have other partners, no-strings sex with an ex is often easy and doesnt have much meaning, and somehow doesnt feel like cheating, so dont read too much into the sex. My advice would be to find a new interest to distract from her and tell her you cant see her while she is with someone else.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 January 2012):
 She dangles you on a string because you put yourself out there for her to mess with.
...............................
A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (12 January 2012):
 if she would cheat on the other guy , and have sex with you. what makes you think she would not cheat on you with some other guy on down the road! even if she would come back to you would it not be in the back of your mind ( can i trust her ) ? she does not sound like good relationship material , someone to spend the rest of your life with.
...............................
A
male
reader, Joey 2008 +, writes (12 January 2012):
Break up with her the same thing happened to be this week diff is me and her were engaged to get married but when it came down to it me or him she choose him even though the day before she said how much she loves me... Loose her and move on I know you love her but it wont work ull just get more hurt further down the line, TRUST me Mate... Iv been there and wish I never went back... You take a few steos forwards and then a dozen back
...............................
A
female
reader, daisy_2010  +, writes (12 January 2012):
Hey, This sucks for you, I know, I was in a similar position with my ex-bf a few years back. She's keeping you in the sidelines incase things don't work out with her bf. She knows how you feel about her and is playing on it. It's not fair on you. The best thing you can do, hard is it sounds, is to tell her you don't want to carry on like this, that you want to be her exclusive bf (if this is what you want), and that until she is ready for that, you are having no more contact with her. You then need to cut all contact. It'll be so hard for you to do that, but it will be worth it in the longrun. I did it with my ex-bf, and after 9 months, he came back, single, wanting me back. And actually, by that time, having no contact with him had allowed me to see the situation in a whole new light and I decided that I didn't want him back as he was not a trustworthy person...1 year on and I am happier than ever (without him in my life at all)! You know you deserve to be treated so much better than this. Please spare yourself ongoing heartache by taking control of the situation now, cutting contact and getting on with your own life. You can do it!
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (12 January 2012):
 you may want to hope he has no STD problems that will migrate your way.
...............................
A
male
reader, Daddybear +, writes (12 January 2012):
Daddybear is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have no idea what I have done. I sound desprate? Im nt desprate just in love, it kills me when she leaves, I have jus sent her a txt and basicly askd her what she wants and who she wants, and told her its nt fair to use me as her puppet. Dangaling me from her strings, im waiting 4 her to reply bt I fink she is with her bf. So most propaly get a txt late at nite or when she goes to the toilet or he falls asleep.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 January 2012):
Your options:
Continue on as you are and eventually she takes you back and dumps boyfriend (unlikely)
Continue on as you are and eventually she dumps you for good (strong possibility as she has a current boyfriend)
Continue on as you are and eventually the boyfriend finds out and who knows what happens then?
Take a break and get your head straight. It sounds like you aren't thinking very clearly.
Decide that you deserve better treatment than being guy #2, the one who gets her when she has some free time and dump her for good.
Those are your options. Your choice. You sound a bit desperate, frankly. Being in love with someone doesn't give them the right to sh#t all over you, which is basically what she's doing. String you along, give you some false hope. Not really a nice woman. Someone can be perfectly charming yet cheat like crazy. You are responsible for your protecting your own heart. She's not going to do it for you.
Sorry you fell in love with a selfish woman. Any idea why you think you deserve this treatment?
...............................
A
male
reader, Daddybear +, writes (12 January 2012):
Daddybear is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat do I do tho? Im so in love with her
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 January 2012):
Some people are addicted to drama. They like the thrill of cheating and engineer their lives so that have maximum complications. She likes the zing of having sex with the ex while still having sex with the new boyfriend.
Some people have to boost their self-confidence by trying to get multiple people to desire them; she needs the ego-boost.
She wants drama. You're an actor in her infidelity play. If you really want to be with her, make her choose. But, remember that she'll probably pull the same stunt on you as she is on the current boyfriend. If you can live with being one among many, go for it.
Personally, I'd cut contact. Who needs a drama queen?
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 January 2012):
 Sounds like she doesn't really care for either of you. You are both just guys to sex up with.
I can just see the "oops I got pregnant drama" with this triangle.
IF she loved you she wouldn't be with another guy. It's THAT simple. Let her go, work on moving on and find yourself a girl who wants to be with you instead of just using you.
...............................
A
male
reader, Daddybear +, writes (12 January 2012):
Daddybear is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI love her to much tho. Im confused and in a rite pickle
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2012): She`s got EXACTLY what she wants.
...............................
|
