A
female
age
36-40,
*feelsostupid
writes:Okay here is the problem I am facing currently. I have been in an almost 6 month relationship with a man whom had been with a woman (no they were not married). They had broken up, he moved out of her home but was still seeing her not sexually just as friends and a caregiver to her children. They did not have children together whatsoever and he really really wanted his own.. Which she can not give him. Long story short this past week he texts me and says he can't do this any longer mind you I just had found out I was pregnant and hadn't spoken to him to tell him the happy news... He shows up with her who has to start all the un-needed drama tells me after I tell him I'm pregnant he'll come see me at work. He does and we discuss that we'll be keeping the baby and that we both want it and he wants to be in it's life. Well at first he wants to come to appointments and be a daddy now.... Now today he doesn't want to come to appointments and might not even come to the birth but he wants his name on the birth certificate, ect. I don't want my child around this woman because she hates me and has made it known I am never allowed at her home. I don't want my baby around someone that acts as hostily as she does toward me. Mind you that night the police had to be called 2 times because she was causing such a scene. He is still texting me and speaking to me a little bit, not much but some and then yesterday he wanted to meet and was so kind and loving then he switches right back to jerk mode that he can only talk to me about the baby and he doesn't feel we have anything to discuss at this time. I need to know how to get him involved in this pregnancy because unfortunately I am alone- I'm over 1000 miles from home with no support whatsoever (not financial, but emotional and physical) I have a severe back ailment that I have to put on hold now and the pain is making it difficult for me to do anything now I can imagine the further along I get the worse it will get. I want him at appointments, I want him to be there when our child is born, I want him to feel kicks and everything... I mean overall I would rather we be together but if that can't happen I want him to be here now for me and our unborn child. I don't want him just to show up after the baby is born and be there to take it away and then come back when it's my turn. If anyone can suggest something or anything to help please do... I need something... I can't believe this is happening to me when we were just so in love a month ago. He doesn't even want to tell anyone about the baby or me.. I can kinda understand that but it hurts more, he's a police officer as well in the town in which I live and work so I'm afraid. He's already told me I better not try to take the baby away from him or anything like that or I'd regret it. HELP!
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female
reader, cindy888 +, writes (12 June 2009):
I'm sorry for your situation but you kinda new what you were getting into. He is the father and he'll have rights to see his child and that means that she'll see your child too, sorry, that's just the law. He won't be able to get full custody but probably joint custody and you'll get child support but your child will be living over there too. You can't take the baby away or you could be charged with kidnapping and then he'll get full custody so don't do anything stupid. You just have to accept that you got pregnant with a man that already was with someone and that he'll have rights to his child and you can't really do much about it. Hopefully the three of you will act like mature adults and learn to get along for the sake of the baby because all three of you are going to be parents. He's a police officer so its not like he does drugs or anything that would prevent him from getting joint custody and he knows the law and so he'll do whatever he can to be in his childs life and your baby does need a father.
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