A
female
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*ine
writes:Our relationship was so perfect and other couples were so envious because we were so good together. But one day when we went to a house party my boyfriend got chatting to this other girl and from then on our troubles started. I found out that he had met her in secret behind my back and then he decided to leave me for her one day and i was devastated. However after 3 months of going out with this other girl my boyfriend came to me crying saying that he had made a big mistake and that he wanted me back. So because i loved him so much and missed him terribly i took him back. Everything fell back into their place again and we got on as if nothing had ever happened, then he did it again with the same girl. In all our 4 years together he would've never looked at another girl, being honest before he met me he was never interested, he'd rather just go out and drink with his mates and he even admitted that he didnt have many ex-girlfriends. But after hearing that he had cheated on me a second time i asked him to leave because it hurt me double hearing how it was the same girl - the one whom he had said that he didnt like and had made a big mistake in going out with. Whenever they were together he'd phone me and he'd tell me of how boring she was and how much he longed for someone as exciting as i was but why go back to her?? Truthfully she is not a nice looking girl, i know that im no oil painting, however, even strangers ask me what he is thinking of going with someone like that and it hurts. From what ive heard, none of his friends get on with her at all because she is apparently ignorant and sits in silence when everyone is having a conversation. I wonder why he has left a happy home with me to be with someone like her?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (18 August 2006):
 How about you focus on losing some weight, get outside and start jogging, maybe even join a gym. Your self-esteem will return and you may even meet people. It also will take your mind off the jerk. Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2006): Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time getting over the break-up! You shared a home with him, and now you're there alone. It is YOUR home now, so see if there are any changes you'd like to make. Change furniture around? Throw something out? Think of it as your place, to decorate to YOUR taste.
Second, if you want to exercise, diet and lose weight - do so! Its your body, and you have the right to do what you want for your own sake.
Third, don't think right now about finding another man. Instead, concentrate on going out and doing things you enjoy. Do you like to go bowling with friends? Hiking? Swimming? What hobbies do you have you do with others? Is there any volunteer work that appeals to you? Volunteering at your local veterinarian to help with the animals, maybe, or visiting a retirement home and talking to some of the residents? If you look around, you can perhaps find a group that sponsors this sort of activity. But also make sure you enjoy the time you spend alone at home!
I would also strongly recommend finding a counselor you can trust and talk over these issues with, to explore where you are now in your life, and find healing, and guidance for the next steps forward.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Tine +, writes (17 August 2006):
Tine is verified as being by the original poster of the question i really do want to get over him so bad but it hurts that he is now living with this other girl and im stuck in the house that we made our home, alone. After 8 months i wouldve thought that i would have someone by now but i dont. I did used to be so confident and never had a problem with approaching people that i liked but now im a completely different person. I put on a tiny amount of weight throught e 4 years that i went out with him and he always told me that i was beautiful the way i was, whenever i wanted to lose weight. So i took his word for it and never bothered to excersize and diet and then he goes and cheat on me with a skinnier girl than me. I never used to worry about what i looked like because i had him but now im finding it hard to come to terms with the fact that i need to put myself out there but i dunno how to. I'm terrfied of people rejecting me and frightened that i'll be on my own forever and the idea of everyone around me finding people who love them and me stuck in the house on my own, scares me. Even when im with another man im so shy its unbelieveable, its just not me. I was so comfortable with my ex and when we had sex i didnt care, i just let everything loose and enjoyed myself, but now im worried incase other men judge my body or judge my actions.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2006): I guess he was using you for comfort and sex while he fell out with the other one
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2006): I entirely agree with what Irish49 wrote!
You could wonder from now until forever about his motives and still not be any the wiser. Fact is, your relationship evidently was not "so perfect" or he would not have cheated on you with this girl.
Sounds as if he wants to have two women at the same time, and by phoning you and telling you how boring she is, he was making sure he kept you hooked. If she was THAT boring, he wouldn't have gone back to her!
No, get this man out of your life once and for all. He treated you very badly, and clearly is not to be trusted. Forget him - you can do MUCH better!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2006): Well, dear-you can waste precious time wondering all the 'what if's and whys' about this guy or...you can simply move on. Haven't you had enough of this emotional rollercoaster ride and BS, with this guy? What I find astonishing is how you don't appear mad at him for treating you like scum. You seem confused and needy, asking questions like "why is he with her, when he could be happy with me?" Listen to yourself. I am always amazed at how wonderful young women like yourself, who have so much to offer and do in life, will give up their sense of pride, their self-esteem. all for a cheater. I can't understand it. This is what you call love? Let's chip away at your denial and make you understand that you don't need to suffer needlessly. You have 'chosen' to live this way and that's sad. You need to get out there in life and do something that makes 'you' stand out-one with a sense of purpose and focus on your own accomplishments. Get your strength, your confidence back and next time he contacts you...say "No more calls!" He's keeping you hanging by a thread because if things don't work out with this girl, you are his stand by chick. Face the loss and get out there and start enjoying life if you have the courage and I know it's there. Do this for you, instead of hanging on desperately to the chance he'll come back to you. Remember, this guy is a cad, and you have no future with him...so now accept the truth and walk away from all this dysfunction, once and for all.
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