A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me and my bf (both 25) have been together nearly 2 years and live together. we get on so well and talked about our future together. in february he said that he felt trapped and that he wanted to live on his own for a year as he felt that this was it for him. i felt hurt by this but he said it would make our relationship stronger. he then made the decision that he would go back home for the summer break from university so that he could work and we would be on a break during this time which hurt me even more. I don't finish until august and have got to live in our flat on my own which is heartbreaking. we still get on so well and have so many good times together and he told me how much he loved me before he left and that he thinks he still wants to live with me in september. he left this morning and i'm absolutely gutted. he said that we'll talk everyday and visit over the summer but now he's back home he doesn't say he loves me and doesn't seem upset. this happened at easter too but then came back saying how much he missed me. i'm so hurt and confused and have got a major exam next week and i can't concentrate. i just don't know what to do and don't want to push him away by pestering him cos space is what he said he wants. Help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank-You so much for your replies, they've helped me a lot!! I know you're all right and i should give him the space he needs, although the txting did get the better of me on sunday!! I'm feeling a lot stronger now and am just getting on with what i need to do right now. Of course it still hurts and i miss him like mad but i realise there's nothing i can do about that and things will work themselves out! He says that he does want me but he just needs to sort himself out. I'm just going to have to leave him to do that otherwise i'll just make things worse! Thanks again xx
A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (11 June 2007):
 He is not ready to commit to you. More to point, he is bloody afraid of it and has to run home to mommy.
A man who has got his sh!t together and adores you would never want to leave your side. He would consider home to be wherever you are both together.
It's a pity you choose to define your life through him. I know someone who is your age but has a healthy dose of self esteem. She lives on her own, is full of confidence, has a brilliant career ahead of her, and has no man in her life... yet. I know she will find someone worthy of her love and I hope she has the patience to wait for that guy.
Your boyfriend is not that guy... do you not think he is being a selfish ass for treating you this way? It's called taking you for granted.
It may not dawn on you for years to come but your relationships will be defined by the your self esteem - or lack of it. It's time to invest some of that relationship energy on yourself. Good luck and take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2007): Hi my sweeyheart, My heart goes out to you, sometimes in our lives we think everything is going so well then something like this comes along and upsets everything else in life.. He said he needs space im going to tell you to give it to him, I no how hard this is, you want to pick up the phone your texting finger gets a mind of its own as if its not really you in control anymore. BUT!!! my love it is!!!!.... How ever difficult this may be and i do understand believe me. JUST GIVE HIM LOTS OF SPACE... If you do he will contact you he will miss you. You have had a 2yr relationship he will think about you. If you feel the need to vent any frustration im here for a chat just give it some time ok hunny you take care lots of love to you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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