A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi im a first time user on here but just wanted to ask my exfiancee of 6 yrs has left me for another woman. he was open and honest about things he told be he had feelings for her and couldnt be with me. we have 2 young children together which he usually sees twice a week but when he is here all he does is come onto me for sex. he says he likes her a lot but how can he if he wants sex with me when hes only been with her for 3 mths . will their relationship last shes 17 and hes 23
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2007): hi me again just wanted to add he has told me he has made a mistake still loves me etc he also told his father in confidence but because we r close and was having a real rough time then told me so. my daughter is also seriously disabled so how can i move on when right now she needs us both what man wud take on me and my disabled child. oh and to add the sex stopped after about a month after the split but he continues to try. his mood also changes with me alot some times we have a laff others we dont
A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (10 June 2007):
 We can't say whether the relationship will last hun.
But this is where you need to put your foot down. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. You are being used. He is only coming back for your body. Tell him to come and see the kids all he wants but you will NOT be used in such a way just becoz he's not getting enough from one woman at once.
He sounds like a player who enjoys the idea of having two women at once.
You're worth more than that. Tell him so.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2007): He WAS your fiance. That means you would be getting married at some point. BUT you have two children with him already (I wonder why you are not already married, since you have children).
Now he has left you for another woman. Yet wants to have sex with you.
Well, he sure is the loyal, reliable type, isn't he?
I know this is extremely upsetting for you, but, either he is going to marry you (if you still want him at this point) or he's not. Either he is going to stop using you for sex and stop seeing you entirely - though he still has the obligation to at least financially support your children - OR he's going to stop seeing this other girl.
Its as simple as that: he can either be with you, or not.
And if not, you need to get on with your own life without him. Stand up for yourself and insist on not giving him sex until he marches down the aisle with you! Whether he is unsure of his feelings or not, don't allow him to use you!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2007): It's always hard to get into someone else's mind. I think his behavior may be explained in several ways. The bad one: he's just using you. He doesn't get along with you, but he wants to keep the sex. Other not-so-bad options: he isn't really sure whether he did right in leaving you. This can mean that deep down he loves you, or that his new girl is not good enough.
I'm 37. I wonder how a 23 year old man who has been involved in a serious relationship can go back to a 17 year old. Not that she's bad per se; what I mean is that he should know better now that he's got responsibilities. No matter how much he wishes to, he cannot go back in time: he is a father now. He needs to behave responsibly for his children, if he won't do it for you.
Now, let's talk about you. You wonder whether he can really love her if he has sex with you, and also whether their relationship will last. It sounds like you're still in love with him, like you might just wait for him to be over her, and like you see his sleeping with you as proof he doesn't love her. I understand the fact that you may be in love with him; no problem there. Now, I'm sure he's not in love with her, but I'm not sure he loves you, either. He doesn't love her, because, if he did, he wouldn't be sleeping with someone else. But if we take this idea as correct, then he doesn't love you either, because he is sleeping with someone else, too. Isn't that so? Didn't he say he was leaving because he couldn't be with you since he loved her?
Let's suppose I'm right and you wanna wait for him: how long will you wait? What will happen with you in the meantime? What if he never leaves her, or if he finds another person?
My advice for you is to go on with your life on the assumption that he's not coming back. I know you need love, too, and that's why you take him back when he comes; but, you need to have a life, too. If I were you, I would tell him he cannot have sex with you if he doesn't commit to you. That is the very least I would expect from a man who has children with you.
I suppose you're feeling horrible at this time. Let's suppose he never returns to you. Well, the sun always shines after a rainy day. It seems to me you're a young woman. You have a lifetime ahead, and I'm sure you'll find someone who will truly appreciate you. This is not the end of your life, no matter how much it looks like it.
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