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age
41-50,
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writes: Just want to know the art of love and seperation. Is there a grieving process for the guy who left the relationship as I know that the one who has been dumped goes through many emotions associated with loss.Do you believe in karma? what goes around comes around. my ex is trying to show the world that he is happy in his relationship with the girl that he left me and his 3 children for. (Maybe he is) Will he get his karma as I feel that what I am feeling if really bad and I must have done something really bad to deserve this. Will he get his karma or ever miss me and the kids as a family. He only left for sexual persons he wanted to have time out and see if the grass was greener on the other side. I just wonder if he will ever think he made a mistake or if this is it.
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female
reader, La23  +, writes (17 December 2007):
my god what a terrible time you must be going through. your ex sounds like a very selfish, immature guy who can't handle commitment. whatever he's done to you... he will do to this other woman once the romance wears off. DO NOT blame yourself. its him with the issues.
this i have had realise myself... my ex cheated on me recently..fell for someone else, cheated on me for 3 months like a coward. and i firmly believe that if that woman was still in this country (she was working here temporarily) he would be with her now. as it goes he's on his own... begging me for another chance.
as for karma... i'm not sure if you'd call it karma. but yes i believe 'what goes around comes around'
maybe he won't come running back to you but he'll discover what he's lost once he realises the grass isn't greener.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou to all of you who has responded. I am focusing on myself on the moment and looking at ways to get myself back into work and finding childcare. I am living on a single wage of maternity allowance as I dont feel like I want anything from him. It is so stressful asking him for money, so if I expect nothing then anything he gives is a bonus. I am looking at ways to start up my own business in the future and enjoying time with my self and children. I am not looking for romance but do feel lonely at times. I believe that I need to stop focusing on him and focus on my self. For me this is the hardest challenge as I built an attachment with him over the 9 years together and dream about us every nite. I know im on the road to healing and look forward to the day when I can say Im heal. Yes! that puts a big smile on my face. mwaah x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2007): I guess you are wondering this because you still love your husband, correct? Otherwise, why would it matter to you at all? Unless you are still hurt or bitter and would like to see him unhappy. I'm not sure which is true. If the answer is that you do still love your husband (ex), perhaps your efforts should be spent on discovering ways to let him go with love. Once you can let him go with love, then you will be able to focus on creating your own karma for the future of your life rather than focusing on his.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2007): He could come back once the 'great sex and fun' gets stale and he misses the family. Or he'll move onto the next woman who interests him. We don't know. When a man's ego is so stuck on his needs only, it does say a lot about his lack of quality as a man. One just doesn't decide their 'ego needs pacifying', so he steps out and takes on a mistress. There are those married folk who understand that no matter the difficulties or challenges in a marriage, they uphold themselves to the solemn promise and committment made to their spouse. Any and all problems are worked out together in a marriage. I feel, that married people who step out, like your husband did is weak... he doesn't have the strength and integrity required to be an honorable, committed married man. His self-confidence in him is lacking, his own inner sense of value is expecting others to the take the responsibility for enabling him to feel good about himself. So if the marriage becomes too challenging, he finds another woman to fill his needs. Sadly, he doesn't understand one key factor...that's his job to help himself...so no one can do that but him.
I am a strong believer in family..and you have children who need a Father. So I will state, there is a married life after infidelity. But a new married life-the old married life is dead. So if this man comes back to you and the kids, someday, then he will have some serious work to do. Because if he doesn't, he will be at risk to do this, again and again. He needs to grow up, become a 'real' man, gain his confidence and accept responsibility for the 'insecurity' issue within him, that caused him to stray. One word-counseling. Getting help, other opinions and ideas from a professional will help. If this happens, I wish him the strength to find and use - the information, in positive ways. If he does return, you will have to set boundries, by making him aware of the costs of his acting out behaviors. If all of this doesn't work and he still strays, then you will know his inner weaknesses over-rides marriage, family and committment and it says...he's not a keeper. Then you will have to re-evaluate this marriage and list out what you want in a loving, committed relationship and hold out for it and move on from this man. Beleive me, out there in the world, there are amazing men who are wonderful husbands and fathers. Sorry.. but to me, sounds like you got a 'dud'. But hopefully in time, he can change that..by realizing he needs to help himself. Good luck, dear.
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female
reader, bqagirl2692  +, writes (9 December 2007):
 First off, DO NOT EVER blame yourself for his selfish acts. You didnt do anything to deserve this, nor did anyone that have gone through it. He is an irresponsable coward and he is less than a man. So to anwer your question, yes i do believe in karma. I believe that he will eventually suffer the same pain that he has brought unto his own family. Everything happens for a reason so take it as a sign that he wasnt cut out to raise a family of his own. Be there for your kids. This is a time they really need you. IT will be hard to be both parents for a while but it is not, nor even close to being impossible. Dont let his selfish acts tear your family apart. He isnt worth the pain and the suffering you and your family have gone through. It just angers me on how much a person can take advantage of what they have. They dont appreciate on whats in front of them. You all were the most important thing in his life and he chose "FUN" over " FAMILY". Forget about him and raise your family the best that you can. One day he'll realize he lost the most he couldve ever had and when he tries to turn back, itll be too late. Good luck and God bless you all!
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