| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: He left me, and I'm heartbroken. Here's the deal, sometimes we'd had our arguments, sometimes we've broken up before, but we obviously got back together. Well now,yesterday I found out about his ogling habit with his friends at uni. I guess it's ok to look, especially if they're all guys together. But for one, a reference to this habit was online, for anyone to see. Also, because they said something about wanting a digital camera to take pictures of the girls they ogled (of course they don't know them), and that once the girlfriend of one of his friends toldd me that they once filmed a girl's butt as she walked, without her consent, with a cell phone. I think this is horribly disrespectful to the girls they were ogling. I assumed he ogled when I was not around, but not like this, I think it's pathetic and sick. So last night I was angry at him and didn't talk to him until today.He came over and we started talking. I'm also insecure and he knows. I admit I can be a bit tiresome with the subject sometimes. But he's feled it once or twice stating he likes busty thin short girls (I'm none of that). I'm small chested, fnot really thin and taller than his ideal. I feel ugly when I see girls that aremore his type. In all honesty, even though he says he loves me and thinks I'm hot, knowing that he thinks other girls are hotter or closer to his ideal makes me feel more like a sister to him - like he loves me... as a sister. Like I'm not a 10 in his eyes, more like a 6 if that.He tried t fix it by saying he loves me and I should be more secure about myself, that he did nothing wrong and that I shouldn't get angry by such trivial things. Ok, so we made up. We spent some quality time. There was this movie on TV about sex, not porn, just one of these sexual comedies. He laughed at the jokes and whatnot, but it made me feel things all over. He sensed something as wrong and he asked me what was it. I said nothing, but he insisted, I hinted it was about "the" subject. He got terribly upset and told me he wanted to leave. I told him there were some things that still weren't clear to me. He said he didn't want to talk and he forced me to open the door. I asked him not to get upset to please talk and ease my feelings, but he grew increasingly upset. He ran and I followed him. I begged him to talk to me and he told me to leave him alone. So he left.Then I called him, and he said we were over, he didn't like that I made such a scene (but hey, he started it) and that he was fed up with me. He turned his phone off.I feel so miserable now, all I wanted was for him to talk to me, to help me ease my feelings but not only did he totally disregard them, he also crushed my heart by dumping me!
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (31 March 2009):
 Wow you are one high maintenance chick! Your neediness is really over the top. What you need to do is focus on building your self-esteem. You will only drive boyfriends away in droves if you don't fix this. You expect others to "ease" your feelings but Babe, that's up to you. Once you realize how wonderful and amazing you are, then others will realize as well. There are all kinds of books and websites on self-esteem, do some research. Nip this in the bud.
A
female
reader, noticable  +, writes (31 March 2009):
Hi,
Don't feel bad or upset, guys can be like that but females are more complicated, guys can't understand us how we want them to.
If a guy can't make you feel precious, than is he really worth it! Why not wait and see what happens, best things happen when you wait. Feeling insecure about oneself happens, what you need to do is do things that will make you confident, build your self esteem and make you your own person.
Don't let any guy feed of that insecurity, don't even let them know that your insecure!
Hope this helps x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2009): i have been dating my girlfriend for over two years now and i know that shes the one im going to marry. we have friend that are going through things just like you are. just to point out a few things. guys in general are visual creatures. so its only natural that we look around and olge. but takeing pictures with out the consent of the woman is out of the question. all men look at porn but when it come to having that kind of stuff on thier camera or phone its just wrong. my Girlfriend is a very insecure woman and i understand that nad i try my est to help her out with it. i tell her shes beutiful and everything. but she still doesnt belive me. and i have come to realize that it doesnt matter how beutiful you are every woman has those same feelings. like they arnt pretty enough.
but you have to trust your significant other. and maybe you cant trust him. maybe hes hurt you in some way. thats why you need to talk about everything. that is THE biggest thing that has saved our relationship. TALKING and making sure yall are on the same page. open up to him. and also make sure he opens up to you.
my girlfriend tells me everything. shes very articulate and i am not so much. i show her my affection by touch..like hands on her hips and stuff like that. but she understands and trust that im telling the truth which i am.
and for the record a MAN never runs away from his problems. but i know from experiance with our friends that one of the girls was very insecure and blew up about things that didnt matter...(not saying that your situation wasnt) but she was always like "are you ok...are you mad" and after a while the guy couldnt take it and left.
this is where the trust comes in. you have to trust what he says. and if you have been hurt dont go openly into a realtion ship pouring you heart out. make sure its right and true. take it slow.
but as for your situation i would give him space. and if he calls you back then its ment to be. but i wouldnt garuntee it.
if he doesnt then find what you can take away from this. these are the things that make relationships work. and it only works if you have the right guy.
-TALK....this is the most important
-TRUST, if you cant trust him then itll be a visious cycle of worrying and jelousy
-tell the truth and hide nothing from him(within reason). i know this from first hand experiance. my girlfriend tells me everyhting so i feel compelled to tell her things...it shows that she trusts me...so i can trust her.
i really hope this helps out. and i hope this guy that your with is a good guy. because its angers me when men...or should i say boys...cheat and disrespect thier significant others.
good luck and i hope this give you some kind of insight about guys, and relation ships
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