A
female
age
30-35,
*jr1990
writes:ok here goes, its a long story but worth a shot! ... ive been seein this guy for about 4 months now, when we first started seein each other everything was amazing, kisses, cuddles, laying on the beach of an evening watching the stars etc, but then he announced that he had a girlfriend!he told me he didnt love her an that he was goin to leve her an to my amazement he did! he actually left her for me. things carried on as normal an we were really happy although because he had left her for me he wasnt ready to tell his parents, family or friends untill they had been apart for a while which i was happy with i didnt want to push him into anything!about 5 weeks in to the relationship he had a nervous break down an i stood by him the whole time looked after him an we seem to be back on track but since then there seems to be no physical effection anymore, like he cant be bothered with me... an this is now 2 an half months down the line! we havent so much as kissed in that time, i havent been to his in 8 weeks because he says his brother is staying there an still isnt ready to tell his family,i dont no what to do anymore i love him an want us to be happy but im worried that there is more to the situation than he is letting on! im worried that mabey he hasnt left his girlfriend who i later found he had been with for 7 years an was due to marry this year! im worried that maybe he is only with me until something better comes along, its really gettin to me i feel like im being used when hes bored or wants money or a lift some where an i dont like the fact that his family still dont know about me ... what do i say or do to make things better again, i want things to be amazing like the first time we started seeing each other please help! x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2010): He used you as a rebound. Any person who has been in a long term relationship and decides to end it is going to be upset whether they were the dumpee or the dumper.You were a distraction, an ego stroker, someone to use to avoid painful feelings....people in this situation like him are vulnerable, their vulnerability makes them seem incredibly open and strongly attracted and into you, but they aren't. They are wearing a mask, and putting a salve on their wounded psyche.For whatever reason, committment phobe or not, he ended a long term affair. This makes him a very poor candidate for a new relationship. You had better accept this and move on and leave him alone.Not wanting to tell his family about you is an excuse and tells you that he thinks he has chosen poorly and you aren't the ONE he wants to be with...that's all you need to know. More than likely you are the complete opposite of his ex girlfriend, and you two really are not compatible on many levels, he just hasn't made that clear to you, because he needed you temporarily.What he did is unfair to you, but it happens a lot, next time when you hear a guy say he just broke up with someone, do not get involved for at least a year.
A
female
reader, Wise Woman of the Forest +, writes (27 June 2010):
 If he is willing to ditch her for you, he's willing to ditch you for someone else. Janniepeg could be right that he is a commitment phobe and you should be aware that even if you're together for a long period of time, he most likely wouldn't be able to commit to you either. What you have been through is what is considered as the "honey moon period" and now that it's over and there's no fiery passion between you, this relationship may be doomed to failure. He also sounds incredibably immature and you seem to be almost a mum-figure with the driving him around and lending him money. Are you sure that he has in fact left her? This could be one reason he hasn't told his parents.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 June 2010):
 He's a committment phobe. You were a distraction from all his worries about settling down and a lifetime of chores, kids crying and running around, and a boring love life. At least this is what he thinks. He's excited about the prospect of another exciting romance but he figured out you are still a woman and are going to want the same things: settling down, getting married and children. He has a close knit family. They want to know everything and will talk about everything among everybody. Marriage after 7 years of dating is expected. Bailing out is a shame. He just wants to talk about the good things and not the bad things to his family. This is understandable, every one wants a private life. But he's caring about what his family thinks of him more than you. I hope after a few months of an elusive relationship you don't have too much invested. His relationship with his family is his business. He has spoken to you in weeks. You do the same. There's no need to know what to say to him. He has many character flaws. He lied. He shirks responsibilities. He's afraid of confrontations. What he has shown you is his cowardly behavior.
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