A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am an avid reader of DearCupid, and for once, I actually have a question to pose.Ten months ago a person who was in my graduating class in High school contacted me. He had been a quiet boy that was the definition of an outsider. I have always felt that children can be rather mean towards those who are different, so in high school I made it a point to attempt to say hi to him whenever I saw him around. Because of this, he had always remembered me and had wished to see me again.Apparently he had been looking for me since I had graduated, and was unable to locate me for the past seven year (I was overseas and have only recently moved back). At that time, he had just broken up with his on again off again girl friend of whom he lived with. They were in the process of dividing up their stuff and moving out. It may be important to know that the relationship he had with his ex was the first serious long term relationship that he had ever been in. It lasted almost three years. However, she had a tendency to frequently leave him for other men, only to return at a later time.He and I became very close and shared an intimate moment. That same night, he and his ex decided to get back together. I continued to be his friend for a while platonically, however, it became clear after a few months that my presence was just putting even more strain on their relationship. In light of this, he and I decided that it would be best if I were to cut all contact.A month later he contacted me and informed me that they had broken up yet again. This time however, she had moved out. He asked if we could see if a relationship would be a possibility for us. We were just friends for a month to test the waters before we took the plunge and entered into our relationship.Four months later, went to have lunch with his ex behind my back. I was very angry that he had gone behind my back and had lied about where he had gone and who he had been with. His ex had emailed me and told me of the event and I confronted him about it. He confessed on the spot. A few weeks later, he left me and returned to his ex yet again. I would like to note here that he was very respectful and kind in breaking up with me, though that in no way absolves him of his actions.He remained with his ex for a week, apparently the worst week of his life. She continued to treat him very badly (she is young and immature). However, now that he had been with a woman his own age who is substantially more mature and has a great deal more relationship experience, he found his ex's treatment to be more than unacceptable. She was texting and seeing other men in his presence. Thus,he cast her away for good.The strain of the situation was apparently too much for him to handle as he became violently ill and vomited frequently for a day. His blood pressure rose to dangerous levels and he experienced great anger for allowing himself to be treated in such a manner.He was more than apologetic to me for his actions and wanted to know if there was any hope that we could see about a friendship or relationship in the future.I was not born yesterday. As you can imagine, I was very skeptical of the situation. I have yet to ever take an ex back as I tend to believe that the same problems that had haunted a relationship before will eventually resurface upon a second attempt.However, in light of his situation, and the knowledge that he had yet to receive closure from his previous relationship before entering into one with me (a move that he fully admits was a poor choice). I have proposed that he and I strengthen our friendship over the next six months to a year. That will give him time to come to terms with and grieve for the breakup, as well as see if a relationship between us would still be feasible.For his part, he has decided to remain single and seek therapy, as he feels that he may have entered into the emotionally abuse relationship not only because of inexperience, but also because of some unresolved childhood issues with his father. He has been attending his therapy sessions regularly and they have been really helping him identify problems and work on correcting them. As of now, our friendship is doing quite well.You may at this point wonder what my actual question is. As I have said, I am very reluctant to take back an ex, and have never done it before. I was very hurt when he chose to leave me for his ex, though I have forgiven him. By forgive I do not mean that he was let off the hook, but that I have put our current happiness above past suffering. I was wondering if anyone had any opinions on the situation in regard to: taking back ex's, rebound behavior, or general comments on the situation. I ask because I have never been in a situation like this and, thus, am hoping that I have not made a poor decision out of my own inexperience. I have been in four long term relationships in the past, and have had nothing but caring and supportive bonds that have only ended due to mutual reasons (realizing that were were not the one's for each other despite mutual respect and many similar qualities, wanting different things out of life, etc.)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2009): My dear, why are you willing to get into so much trouble, run run run from this man? It's evidently that this guy is inmature amd is hook to this girl. He does not know what he wants. Please do yourself a favor and start looking other places for a man that really apreciates you and treat you with much respect. You are the one who is important here. You need to look out for man that make you feel happy and fulfill, not the other way around. Good luck my dear!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 July 2009):
 Unless you want to do this yo-yo dating.. On and off again.. Over and over then please take him back..
If you want a stable loving relationship then, no. Find someone else who isn't involved.
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