A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Well, here goes nothing, I was pregnant and when I told my boyfriend, he told me to get rid of it and I said no, that I wanted to keep it, then we had a massive argument and in the end, it resulted with us breaking up and him leaving (we used to live together) and now, four months on, I've miscarried. I'm really really upset and I want to get back together with him because, even though we want different things, I love him, I'm upset and I want his support through this time as he is the only one I can turn to, my parents died in a carcrash when I was a toddler and I have no family in this country, I want help of you guys because I want to know, should I get back together with him and if so, how? And by the way, I do want children one day and as I'm only 19, I think that's the reason he doesn't want a child 'cos he's only 20. I'm really scared of being on my own and I would really appreciate any help offered. :) thanks, I know it's long but I want to give you as much info as possible so you can help me, 'cos I'm really frightened :( thanks.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (12 January 2008):
 I'm glad that you feel I helped you. Take much care and don't hesitate to contact us again if you need more support.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008): Hi Hunny,
Im so glad you found this a help love and if you get down at anytime you can mess me no probs you take care and much love and peace to you in the new year love mandy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, it's me, well, first of all I hope you a had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Thankyou, so much, I'm astonished so many people want to help me and I just want to thank you all, so so much.
Well, it been a few months and I think things are pretty much sorted.
Danielepew, Thankyou. You got through to me the most, I don't think I can rely on him either, not anymore, you made me see sense, he ran yeah, and he can't be trusted. Thanks again.
Mandy7, thanks to you also, I talked to some women on a website and they had also miscarried.
peoriaman, you told me that he was immature and you're right, I guess I knew that all along, but I just tried to make myself believe otherwise. He's never going to be able to support a family, I realise that now, I know he doesn't want a family and I'm kind of ok with it now.
Tuatara, thanks a million, you said that I'm hurting physically and emotionally and you are right, I tried to pretend I wasn't but when you actually said that, it made me see that I am.
Thankyou, everyone and if you want to know anymore, mail me on this.
Thanks again x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): Why don't you join a church? There is a ton of support at churches. And you may meet a nice guy who would stick by your side no matter what. I am not religious, but when I did go to church, I met a lot of people who were totally willing to help & support others. If you ask me, your ex will probably treat you coldly & not care that you had a miscarriage. He will probably be happy. And I am guessing he won't want to be with you because he feels that he dodged the bullet & does not want to take the chance again of getting you pregnant. He sounds like a jerk. Right now you need support. And what did your ex do? He left you. How is that supportive?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): This is a tough time for you and my heart goes out to you.
Loosing a child is devastating, both physically and emotionally and I think you need some help with all of the difficulties and emotions you are having at the moment.
It is understandable that you feel the need to grab hold of you boyfriend at the moment. It is all overwhelming probably for both of you. Your both very young to have this type of difficulty in your relationship. It is even harder when you have no one close to get any support or just even talk to. But you must find something to focus on and feel good about. I would seriously suggest some time of counselling. Your suffering from alot of pain and grief. You need this time for yourself, to build your confidence up, heal your wounds and re-focus your thoughts on. You need to find out who you are and who you want to be. It is understandable that your feeling alone at the moment but this will pass, with help.
If you spend a little time on yourself you will then be a better girlfriend and maybe this will be when you can go back into a serious relationship. Work on your friendship with you boyfriend at the moment. He may not be able to cope with all of your difficult emotions, as he is young too and perhaps not ready to handle things in the way you need.
One day you will be a mother and you can now focus on what this will mean to your life and future. It is a huge responsibility for anyone to take on and being ready for this challenge is something people take to lightly.
Be ready, prepared, happy and contented, when it's your time to bring a life into your world.
All the best and my prayers are with you.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (22 October 2007):
I'm sorry about the baby.
Dear, I will be very direct and perhaps harsh. I don't think he would provide the kind of support you need. He ran away the minute he saw trouble. He didn't have any objections to having sex with you, but he did object to being up to the challenge of being a father. He doesn't sound like a person you can rely on. He's young, yes; but there is never an excuse for leaving you alone when you needed him the most.
I don't think he really loves you. If he did, he would have never left you alone.
As to going back to him, maybe you want him back, but don't take for granted that he wants you back, too. I have a friend who recently happened to be in the same situation as you are, but he was the male. His girl had an abortion when he said he wouldn't help her. Guess what happened when she told him the news? He dumped her anyways. He felt he had escaped "an horrible fate" and wasn't willing to "take any chances on her" anymore. I don't even know your boyfriend, but this is one possibility you need to consider.
I'm so sorry that you have no one to turn to at so young an age. My advice is that you be very careful who you love. Particularly because you're very young and I am sure that also pretty. Many a man (many people of either sex) will feel like taking advantage of you because you're alone and need love.
I hope this harsh advice of mine does help you. I honestly wish you the best. I hope that giving you a very clear perspective, even if it's a harsh one, will help you from now on.
Take care and keep us updated if you need to.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2007): Hi Sweetheart,
You are grieving and you need support, Im not sure if getting back with your b/f at this moment would be good or not being the reason you both split was because of your pregnancy, I understand you love him and Im not saying dont get back with him I feel you need some support from other women that have gone through the same thing, You can find help on the net hunny, If you do want to get back with your fella then it would be alot easier to have spoken to a counsellor first so you are a little stronger emotionally. I no when I lost my baby it was most def a woman I needed to speak to so I understood why I was scared and confused and all the emotions I was having to deal with at that time made me feel as if I was going a little mad inside. I hope you work things out hunny and I hope this has helped a little TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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