A
female
age
30-35,
*s.incredible
writes:I am 19 years old and married. He is 22 years old. We have been together for about 3 years now. Last year i got pregnant and thats why we got married. My mom kind us forced us too which was kind of stupid of us to let her do that.So everything started when i came home 4 days later after giving birth. Something was wrong with the baby so she had to stay at the NICU. So i found out that he was cheating on me. He said that he didnt love me and the only reason he married me was because of the baby and he felt that it was the right thing to do. He said he wanted to be with her not me, that it was over and for me to move on. Our daughter was in the hospital for two months and i was able to spend the night there so thats what i did. I also moved everything back to my moms house, that way i didnt have to see him or talk to him. We only spoke about the baby and thats it. He wouldnt call at all and when i called him he would rush me off the phone. He didnt want anything to do with me unless it had to do with the baby.After a few weeks i realized that i had to move on and forget about him so i started dating someone. I stopped calling him and when he called me i would rush him off the phone. He would call and i wouldnt pick up. i also let him know that i was seeing someone. Thats when everything switched. He would call me all the time wanting to know were i was and with who. One night he called and I told him that I was with the guy and we couldnt talk. An hour later the nurse goes to the family lounge looking for me telling me that my husband is there. On purpose I give it 20 minutes before I go back to the room. When I get there hes like a lost puppy, watery eyes and everything. He tells me that he loves me and that he made a big mistake. That he doesnt know what he was thinking and hes afraid of loosing me for good, that he didnt think he was going to be able to handle loosing the baby and me because if he did he wouldnt know what to do with himself. He said that knowing he could loose me for good made him realize how much he loves me. So my question are -did he come back because he really loves or because he wouldnt be able to handle the idea of me being with another guy.
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female
reader, ms.incredible +, writes (23 March 2009):
ms.incredible is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni dont think anyone is perfect and everyone is entitled to make 1 mistake. idid make it clear to him that this was his last chance and that i dont want to go through this a second time. i did ask him why he came back to me. he said that he loved me, but he hadnt realized how much he loved me until he lost me. i asked how i do i know hes not going to change his mind again and he said that hes not. he did admit he took me for granted and that i deserve better. but love is retarded and i love him.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (23 March 2009):
 I'm so sorry to hear that, I cant imagine what you are going through at the moment. Maybe you could both use each other for support during this difficult time, losing a child is something a parent should never have to experience but maybe this tragic loss may bring you closer together.
I think you still need to talk to him and explain you fears that he may hurt you again - you are hurting enough at the moment without having to worry about what your husband is up to behind your back. Make it known to him that this is his last chance to prove to you that he loves you and wants to be a proper husband to you - hopefully he will be man enough to rise to the challenge.
Once again I'm so sorry for your loss and I hope that you and your husband can unite together during this difficult time and support each other whilst you are grieving for your daughter.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): i think it's because he's a selfish hurtful jerk who wants to have the pie and eat it too.now he remembers that he loves you?sweetie i hate saying this to you but i don't think he loves you.i think he took you for granted and once he realised he could lose you he decided to claim you back.so he cheats on you and treats you like dirt but when you bravely decide to move on with your life and find someone who might treat you better all of a sudden he can't live without you?that's not love,that's selfishness.i'm so very sorry you lost your child,i can't imagine anything worse than that.you're only 19,you have your whole life ahead of you he cheated on you after only one year of marriage is this the person you really want to spend the rest of your life with?
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A
female
reader, ms.incredible +, writes (23 March 2009):
ms.incredible is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni didn't mention that our daughter passed away two weeks ago. that we spent every day together until he had to leave to basic training. he seems committed but i am afraid he will do the same thing again.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (23 March 2009):
This is a difficult one so I think you really need to use your own judgement here and go with your gut feeling.
But I will give you my opinion, what you do with this is up to you. I think that he has come back because he has realised that he might lose you and the baby to another man. So in essence, the realisation that you will not be there waiting for him with his child after he has had his fun with some other woman has made him want you back. Men often want what they cannot have, so when he saw that you were moving on something inside him will have snapped and decided he wanted you back.
However this should serve as a warning to you. It is more than likely that you will end up in this situation again - once you have settled back down together and things are fine, he will get bored again, meet someone new, leave you for her....then you will move on, meet someone new and he will come crawling back because he cant bear to see you with someone else. I think he has the common idea that he doesnt want you but doesnt want anyone else to have you either.
It is a shame that your parents forced marriage on you both seen as he is clearly too immautre to be able to be in a committed relationship and he is no where near ready for marriage. So this is your dilema - do you take him back and work on your marriage hoping that this time he has grown up and wont end up running off again? Or do you tell him it is over for good but end up with a divorce and left as a single mum at such a young age?
This can only be your choice - I dont think this guy is good for you and he will only end up hurting you again in the future. But you have a baby together and you are married, so this is something that needs to be taken seriously and worked on.
I think you should talk to him about all this - tell him he has broken your marriage vows and you have lost your trust for him. If he wants you back he is going to have to work very hard at being a good husband and a good father, he needs to realise that as soon as he got you pregnant he made the choice to be a father and he has to start acting like one, not a silly little boy that cant keep it in his pants.
For the sake of your marriage and baby I think you should give this another try, your baby needs a father and hopefully if your husband is serious about loving you then he will never do such a thing again. But he needs to be aware that if he ever so much as kisses another woman then that is it, its over. You have to make it clear that this is a second chance for him to prove himself but you wont take any more bad behaviour from him. He needs to know he is only getting one more chance at this - if he messes up again then it is over and he will lose you for good.
Hopefully he will have realised just what he could lose and he will try and be the husband you deserve. While he may have only come back to you because he doesnt want anyone else to have you, I still think it is worth trying again for the sake of your child. As long as you think you can re-build the trust and you still have feelings for him then there is something to be saved.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): I say, leave him alone. Once he has u back, and ur giving him that unconditonal love, he might go back and start cheating on u again. Guys are weird, when u love them, they don't care, but when u move on, that's when they wanna cry and be all "in love." Save urself the heartache. What he did to u was wrong...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2009): Imo it sounds like he deserves another chance, but be careful :/ It isn't a very good start if he cheated on you like that.
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