A
female
age
36-40,
*pbubblz
writes:Alrighty me and my boyfriend met online we spent a year on the phone and a year in person living together i moved to cali from nj to be with him i love him very much but we are about to move back to nj and i dont think i am ready for that kind of commitment i love him but i have alot of issues around relationships i dont think i can handle being with 1 person for the rest of my life .. he is a good guy i know if i give him a shot to prove himself out there by going to college and etc itll be ok in the long run but i dont want to be with him forever at this point in my life i am a bit unhappy at times and we have some issues we are having trouble dealing with he isnt very into working our problems out when i tell him my concerns he says fine we are over then w/e and i am kinda left alone to either make up or leave :\ anyone have any thoughts that could help me ?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, PM  +, writes (4 November 2007):
 To be sure that I'm interpreting this situation right, your bf threatens to leave you when you try to talk about things in your relationship? It's no wonder you're not sure if you want to be him.It's great that your bf is strong about his position on relationships, but sadly his position is a bad one to be taking. Threatening to leave someone when they voice their concerns is not conducive with a good relationship and it really sounds like your bf has problems of his own. However, your bf must be doing SOMETHING right since you still feel the need to stay with him so some part of you is responding to his behaviour. Your option at this point is to try and change him enough so that he'll be willing to talk to you about the things you don't like in the relationship, but this runs the risk of you accidentally changing the things that you're attracted to in him. So you need to weigh how much you love him against how much unhappiness you're currently experiencing because trying to induce a change may shatter the relationship, especially if your bf has issues of his own.If it turns out your bf is not that broken, then you should be able to talk to him like a rational adult. IF.
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