A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i know nearly every girl says this but i am really struggling to understand the male mind! I really need some advice on my current situation...This boy who i like, knows that i like him and i think he sort of feels the same way. I havent known him for very long, but we were talking via the internet and we seemed to get along really well. Then at college he kind of always caught my eye (his group always sits next to my group in the cafeteria) we got along well in the next week and he asked for my number and we started texting then about 2 weeks ago he told me he had met a girl at a party and that he didnt want me to think i was leading him on or anything as he was seeing this other girl. So i was like fine lets just be friends.The next day we pretty much ignored each other but then on the following monday we started this whole eye contact thing again. A few days later he started to text me again and we have been speaking regularly since. I really like him and he still catches me eye a lot and holds it for a bit longer he doesnt smile or anything though. I just don't know what to do. If i speak to him first over the internet he might think im being to forward or something after having told me to back off earlier, although he hasss been leading me on with all these glances and texts. I know i can never know what he's thinking unless i ask him or something but my confidence has been dented from last time and im struggling on how i could take this further? He always seems to be sitting with other girls and everything, it feels like he never makes a true effort with me?I know i'm over-thinking this, please help!Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): well you want to understand the male mind so i can give you some thoughts from mine.
First off, with him (probably) being at a college age its possible that he only has one thing on his mind and that he could be setting you up as a 'back up' in case he cant get what he wants from the other girl. But this is important, not all guys do that and not all guys that age are just in it for sex but that is a possibility so just be careful so you dont get hurt.
Secondly, you cant be too forward with a guy... well you can but if you just told him "hey, i really like you and id like to hang out and get to know you better". if he feels the same way then you'll get an easy straight answer, if he doesnt or if hes maybe trying to play you it wont be as straight forward.
Lastly, guys are dumb when it comes to relationships. he may really be interested in you but he doesnt know how to say it, so when he met this other girl and she made it obvious she was interested he fell for it.
he could be a player or a cheater, or he could just be a regular relationship-dumb guy. id say go for it, just be careful and dont fall to fast for him untill you're sure about him.
A
female
reader, Princess_Rae  +, writes (4 October 2010):
 Anonymous,
I can't pretend to understand the male psyche any better then you do. All I can hope is my experience is enough to shed a different light on to your problem.
For what I can tell you are way over thinking what is actually going on. It seems to me that you are really wanting a relationship with this guy, so much so that even basic gestures are in your brain flirting, so that when he really flirts it seems like he puts effort in. I have had long eye contact with bank tellers, it doesn't necessarily mean i am into the people taking my money. I also txt my best friend constantly, again not wanting a relationship beyond friendship with him. I think this guy has relegated you to the "friend zone", that mythical place where you are cool enough to talk to but not top priority to date. I think you should begin looking for your next boy friend elsewhere.
That said, he may be leading on with the long blank stares and txts. If that is so you definitely do not want to date him. Because if he is willing to manipulate you while you are not dating, your entire relationship will be a game to him, not a commitment. This emotional strain has already taken its toll on you, you do not need the added pressure of dating this guy.
The best course of action is to mentally move this one off of your radar and into friend territory. This will hopefully allow you to see his actions toward you more clearly. And maybe one day you both decide that it is time to explore a potential relationship. Until then stop pining for a relationship with a guy who thinks of you as a friend.
With Love,
Princess_Rae
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (4 October 2010):
 Sounds like he's upped his eye contact from before but he was honest enough with you when he told you he had a girlfriend now. I would just leave the ball in his court now. He may be just playing a little game with you with the eye contact continuing. I would now focus on someone else or you may get hurt.
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A
female
reader, sexandthecity82  +, writes (4 October 2010):
It sounds to me like he's keeping his options open in case things don't work out with that other girl. If you were his first option he would have be saying what he said to you to that other girl. The fact that he has lots of girls around him at all times says that he's probably a cheater and really you know that deep down you deserve better than that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): Hey there...i was in a similar situation 7 months ago, and now we've been dating for quite a while. u have 2 solutions ahead of u: 1- Try to make him a little jealous, let him not feel that ur an easy target, he will surely make more effort, maybe if he saw u with another guy he will be more encouraged to make the first step.
2-solution number 2 is to speak straight to him and tell him u need to know what does he want from u.
U cant keep hanging on a boy that u dont even really speak to. its probably not easy for u to see him act and be normal with other girls but not with u. So dont waste ur time and DO something about. go get that boy ;)
gd luck xxx
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