A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a friend who I really care for. But later I found myself developing feelings for him. We know each other from long time ago and we both went trough the same situations. I confront him the other day and I told him what I am feeling. I told him that I am finding very difficult to date because I realized having feelings for him I cant even image having a boyfriend because I will feel like I am cheating...He didnt say anything.We are from different cultures, he is a muslim guy who comes from a traditional muslim family and I am catholic. We are friends, nothing to do whit benefits. I know his family and I spend a lot of time with them, they are very nice and I always have a wonderful time with all of them.But out of the blue he came to my place and told me that he has feelings for me too and he cares about me and he likes me as I am and he always felt a conection with my soul..But there is just one problem..I am not muslim and he can not be involved whit a woman who does not share his own culture and religion.My questions is Why he shows me all this affection when he knows he can not be with me at all? Makes me upset and sad at the same time..
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female
reader, MiSs AgOnY AuNt  +, writes (7 August 2013):
I know this is over a year too late, but i am going through the exact same thing that you have been through. We have been friends for as long as i can remember but we can't go any further as he has an issue with my religion. The hardest thing is i have no issues with his religion, it's so fustrating!! =( I just wish there was a way
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2012): Thanks a lot...all you guys are right..except for , shrodingerscat we know each other..for more than 6 years ago..we had plenty of opportunities to intimate...in my place..in his place..everywhere..we kiss each other..we hug each other..nothing after that. One day I remember things were very hot.but he stoped..and he told me in his religion is forbidden to have sex before marriage..and he said he respects and love me.
I ve been dating a lot of new people and all those jerks expecting to have sex whit me in the first date..that pissed me off..because seems like nobody really takes the time to know each other..just get into my pants and run.
Cerberus I got your point. I will keep my distance..no more kisses..hugs in order to remain our friendship..
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 April 2012):
 I'm with Cindy too.
No religion prevents people from having emotions or to care for people. The thing is he MAY like you back, but he knows in his heart that he can not BE with you.
So either you two step back from this and stay friends or you cut the contact.
YOU laid out your heart to him and he laid out his. Why be mad at him for that?
I had a BIG crush on a classmate (back in college) HE was too a Muslim and I'm not. One drunken party (he wasn't drunk btw) he told me he had a crush on me too. But even being drunk I knew that it wouldn't work. I'm of the Old Faith and his religion, his family and culture could never accept me for ME. So we became friends instead. Worked for us. Knowing that you can't really EVER be with someone can really cure a crush. I realize now that is WAS just a crush and maybe a little lust, not love I felt.
Chin up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2012): OP Cindycares is right. There is nothing malicious happening here. So far you both have been up front and honest about your feelings and the potential for anything to happen. Unfortunately there is no potential for anything to happen but that doesn't mean he can't still care for you and be affectionate. He could well be going through the same upset and sadness as you. You too are being affectionate and responding to his affection aren't you?
The reality is nothing can happen, that's what sucks the most so you have to keep to your policy of openness and honesty and tell him that the affection is making you feel bad in that it's giving you a taste of what you can't have. He sounds like a decent honourable guy OP I'm sure if you discuss this with him, you and he can sort this out and tone down the affection, I must warn you though OP taking a big step back may be the only way resolve this. At your age you know full well being friends with a guy you're in love with but can't have is exceptionally painful and while you and are very close, bordering on being as close to him as you would like but never being able to cross that line, this might be a friendship you have let go of until you have moved on.
Your feelings won't go if you and he remain this close, and neither will his. Your friendship although a loss may have to be sacrificed for both your own goods. Sometimes that is the best way and what you lose in friendship in the short term you gain in sanity and the chance to reconnect in the future once you've both moved on.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 April 2012):
 I don't quite understand your question. Muslims too are allowed to have feelings and to express affection and care for people of different religions in non sexual ways..One can care about a person - and not plan to date her,f..k her or marry her. He is not leading you on, or illuding you - he told you you can't expect a relationship.
If you find too difficult to deal with the situation because of your romantic feelings, in other words if your thought about what "it could have been if only " prevent you from enjoying and appreciating what it actually IS and can be in the here and now, it's up to you to step back, see him less, keep your distance or do anything else you've got to do to disengage emotionally.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2012): Just because you cant have something dont mean you cant like it...just hard to deal with is all. Hope this doesnt effect your friendship, always a gamble when it comes to these situations, but its good that you tried and got it out.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (13 April 2012):
 It sounds like he's trying to get into your pants.
I'm pretty sure that if you gave him any clue that you'd be willing to sleep with him, he'd be all over that "benefits" thing.
Trust me, if he REALLY loved you, your religion wouldn't matter that much. He'd just tell his parents to deal with it and he'd put a ring on your hand.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2012): "My questions is Why he shows me all this affection when he knows he can not be with me at all?"
Funny, you knew all that, too, but still it was YOU who confronted him with what you are feeling for him... I don't get why you are now reproaching him that he actually answers and admits the same to you! You started it, therefore it's pretty unfair to be now upset about it!
If you really think there is no way to be with him then you should never have said anything.
As you brought it up, you have to talk it through with him and either find a solution or get over it and move on.
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