A
female
age
36-40,
*essyv
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, in the beginning of our relationship I found him emotionally cheating via email with 3 other women. Since then I have always had trust issues, I am constantly checking his email, voicemail, myspace. You name it I have the password. Yesterday I found out from his son's mother that they kissed a year and a half ago. She said he tried to sleep with her and she didn't let him. I know the only reason she is telling me this now is because she is moving back to the area and wants to be with him. My boyfriend says it was a mistake, he's so sorry, the whole 9 yards. I have a hard time believing that he hasn't had sex with someone else, and I don't know how to trust him espically now after finding this out. I know he loves me but he was cheated on in the past, his ex wife got pregnant by another man while he was in the military and I think that may have something to do with his cheating ways. After that he pretty much cheated on every woman he's been with. He is a great man, he does everything for me and my son, he's very loving affectionate, hard worker. But I cannot put up with his cheating. What should I do? Can I ever trust him? Do you think there is hope for us??
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female
reader, Lizel  +, writes (12 August 2008):
 I am going through exactly the same thing,well,not exactly,worse actually.My fiance DID end up sleeping with his ex wife and also did the please forgive me,it was a mistake thing,blah blah blah,and I tell you,I'm going through hell everyday.He is fantastic with my boys and he takes very good care of us,but I tell you,whenever he is on his phone,on his laptop,not at home,goes to the gym,drops his kids off or picks them up,I'm a lunatic!I myself feel I cant do this anymore,no matter how much I love him,and believe me I do.Thing is,he also has a cheating history,so I actually know I'm fighting a losing battle.The point I'm trying to make is,dont we deserve more,better and a honest partner in our lives?I think we do!So,to make that break we should think of how we can enjoy life more with someone that's devoted to us,mentally,emotionally and sexually as well as spiritually.What do you think?
A
female
reader, Tii3RN3Ybbs.  +, writes (8 August 2008):
 Hi There,Well theres not much point in a relationship if you can't trust eatchother,you don't wont to go on knowing your boyfriends just come home from being in another womans bed,expecially his ex?I mean its bad enough knowing he's had another kid with her let alone coming home knowing he's just had sex with her?i fink if u wont to make the relationship work,you need to put trust into it.and you both need to sit down and think of what you want?where you both wanna be?If you are going your seperate ways?Or going to try stick together and work things out?Hope all goes well.xx
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A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (8 August 2008):
 Go to a marriage/couple's councelour. They will help you far from what we could help you now.
But as a personal opinion, I agree with the other agony aunts.
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A
male
reader, Shipwreckd +, writes (7 August 2008):
 no trust = no relationshhip.
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A
female
reader, nessyv +, writes (7 August 2008):
nessyv is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, you're right he would have never told me. He said so himself. he said it was a mistake and he knew it would hurt me so he kept it to himself.
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A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (7 August 2008):
 If you can't put up with cheating, you shouldn't date a cheater. I think he's had more than three strikes, he's out.
Understand that his apologies are pretty much meaningless because he never intended to tell you about his transgression. I have a feeling that if she had never told you about it, he'd never have told you. He hid it for a year and a half, and you never suspected a thing. Imagine what else he could be up to.
I have my doubts that he is trustworthy, but you know him better than any of us so ultimately it's your decision.
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